90/365 Radical Forgiveness

I borrowed a CD from the lending library at Mom2Mom.  It's from Hearts at Home workshop from 2005.  The speaker was Julie Barnhill and her topic was Radical Forgiveness.  My blog will be about this today because it touched me so deeply. 

She spoke of forgiving ourselves.  Isn't that the hardest? The Bible says that Jesus removed our sins as far as the East is from the West.  But it's hard to forgive yourself.  You remember those sins.  The devil uses it for spiritual warfare.  You begin to think that you aren't good enough for God.  None of us are, but He gave up His own son to save us.  That's His Grace. That just blows my mind.  We talked about it in small group.  I could never do what Abraham was willing to do.  I would never give up my daughter even if God physically showed up and told me to.  Man, Abraham had incredible faith but that is for another blog.  It's so hard for us to remember we can't earn our salvation.  We can't do enough good to out weigh the bad we have done.  God simply forgives us which is amazing.  We need to forgive ourselves.  Julie talked about how when we don't forgive ourselves it is more baggage that we carry.  It then effects areas of our life.  That hit home.  I can't seem to forgive myself for my college years. I made so many mistakes.  I can't seem to get past it.  I fall in that area of trying to do enough good to make up for those years (17-23) of my life.  It doesn't work that way.  I have to keep reminding myself that those sins gave me Gabrielle.  And Gabrielle lead me back to God.  And God has forgaven me of ALL those sins and in His eyes I am washed clean in His blood. 

Julie also talked about forgiving others and how freeing it is to yourself.  The other person isn't effected by whether you forgive them or not.  You are.  You can unload a huge burden and lay down that bundle you have been carrying all by forgiving.  Julie closed with two prayers that I am copying word for word.  They apply to my life.  I hope they help you. You fill in the prayer with the name of the person you need to. 

Lord God I cannot imagine forgiving (fill in the blank with that name) who has hurt me so badly.  You know I  can list their offensives right now if I'd like how well I know them.  I have tried truly to forgive them for a long time.  But now I'm simply asking you to help me.  Help me forgive them and let go of everything that is attached.  Help me find radically rescue in this area of my life.

Lord God (name of person who hasn't forgiven you) has not been able to forgive me.  I know what I have done to hurt them. I'm truly sorry for that.  (Or I don't know what I did to offend them so badly.)  I'm simply asking you to help them to forgive me even if I don't deserve it.  Show them the truth of redemption and a life that is free of all sins, grudges, and regrets.  And help me to build a bridge of restoration in that relationship if it is healthy to do so and if it's what you desire. 

88/365 Star Light Star Bright

This is my daughter's art that she brought home.  It's amazing how much her art has improved this year.  When she brings pictures home you know what it is instead of saying oh how lovely what is it?  You know without asking.  I love the growth in her art skills.

This is from the series of Eric Carle art pictures she made.  I love this.  It makes me think of wishes on stars as a kid.  As a teenager my wish was for my soul mate to find me.  As a single mom it was happiness and to raise a great child.  I love that all my wishes came true.  I have my soul mate. I am raising a great child with my soul mate.  I have happiness.  So yes wishing on stars works, but I know that praying works better:)

86/365 teaching again man I missed it

I'm thrilled to go back to teaching. I took a break.  I had so much turmoil in my life.  I didn't think I was able to give the time to be a great Kidsview teacher.  I'm helping out today and 2 times next month.  Then I'm back even months first hour in June.  I didn't realize how much I missed it.  The lesson of the day was "Trust God no matter what." They used Job as an example.  Just another way God is telling me that I am heading in the direction and to just trust Him.  I am!

83/365 bragging on my daughter

Today she helped at the Eastview food pantry.  Eastview moved their food pantry into a bigger better space, still within the church.  Gabrielle and I went over to help organize and put things away.  Gabrielle was the only child.  When we first got their the volunteers who don't know her looked at her like oh no she's going to be in the way.  They quickly found out what an asset she is.  People were asking for her help.  She sorted clothes, went through bags to check for holes, organized soup, and so much more.  I heard lots of people saying how wonderful a help she is.  She loves our food pantry.  We use to just bring food to the food drive days.  Then she said "can't we do more?" So we started helping sort the food donations on food drive days.  Still she wanted to do more.  She was too young to work the food pantry so I signed up.  She shops with me for food pantry items.  She cares about the pantry.  It also helps her to see how blessed she is because she has food.  It was a wonderful afternoon watching my daughter work for the Lord.

79/365 everyone has a story

My picture of the day is a picture of the book I'm reading.  The title of the book also has to do with my blog today.  I had an amazing opportunity to listen to Jami Kaeb speak at Mom2Mom on Wednesday.  Her main focus was Everyone Has a Story.  She talked about each person we meet has their own story.  Instead of judging and hurrying through take time to show some compassion because you don't know what their story is.  You don't know where their journey has taken them.  Have mercy.  It hit home with me.  I think my biggest struggle is judging without having the background information.  I jump to conclusions.  I don't mean to.  I assume if you are being mean then you're a jerk.  I never stop to think you are having a bad day.  I'm a work in progress.  I'm working harder to show God's mercy and love. I'm working harder not to jump to judge.  It's not my place.  It's God's place.  God will judge us all.  I need to leaving the judging to Him.

PS Jami has a blog.  I'm following it.  If you want to check out her blog look on my profile page and find her under who I follow. 

74/365 beauty in the rumble

My picture of the day was taken at the church that my daughter has Daisy Scouts at. The church is making crosses out of corn stalks. They are simple yet beautiful. I had a meeting with my pastor last week. He told me that I need to pray for the ability to find peace and beauty in the simplest of things. He knows my struggles. He knows that I'm feeling like Job. But he also knows that I need to find beauty in the rumble. I have so many negative things happening that I focus on. I need to stop it. I need to stop and smell the roses. I need to include more praise in my prayers. I need to find the beauty of the things around me like of a simple cross made out of corn stalk.

71/365 I'm going home

I have that Chris Daughtery song stuck in my head. It's amazing no matter how old you get, when bad things happen you revert to kid wanting their mommy. I always leave my mom's feeling better and stronger. She is a source of strength and encouragement. She has had her share of terrible things happen to her but she's never given up. Just being with her makes me inspired to keep going. My picture of the day is the playground at my grade school. They have completely redone the school but this part of the playground has remained the same. It's amazing and surreal watching my daughter play on the same playground that I did. It's been a great day, a wonderful distraction. I needed this.