To my dear friend

My lovely friend is going through a tough time. I truly believe the Devil is trying to tear her down. We have all been there. We will feel like nothing is going right and we are being hit from every angle. I am praying for you. I tell you this repeatedly. I can't do anything but pray. Here are my favorite Bible Verses and quotes that help me through a rough time. I hope it helps.

Romans 8:31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Proverbs 11:27 Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one who finds the gold.

F. Scott Fitzgerald For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over.

Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

Romans 5:3-5 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

C.S. Lewis Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.

Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.

Pema Chodron Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.

You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. You don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.

And lastly, my favorite:
1 Peter 5:8-10
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

What I've learned in my 35 years

When I graduated college, I wrote an email to loved ones called what I learned at ISU (outside of the classroom). As I get ready to turn 35 years old, I decided I would write a new one.  (Obviously this will not contain EVERYTHING I have learned. I'm just including my biggest life lessons.)

There is always at least 3 sides to every story (my side, your side, and the truth). 

       The truth lays in between the two people's perceptives. This isn't saying either person is intentionally lying. Instead as humans, we all remember things slightly different. Example two siblings get caught hitting each other. One child says I did nothing wrong. I only hit her back because she hit me first. Other child says I only hit her because she would not give me my toy back. As you dig into the story, you learn more of the truth. I used the simplest story to explain this concept. If you like to explore this concept, think of your favorite memory. Then ask a person who shared that event for their memories of it. I find it fascinating to see what our minds hold on to.

No matter how much you change and grow as a person, some people from your past will never be able to see the new you.

        I'm not the same person I was at 15 or 20 or even 30.  I've grown and changed into a person that I'm proud to be. Yet there are people who knew me at my worse and refuse to see me at my best. That is their problem not mine. That ties into my next thing:

You can't make everyone like you. 

       I was born a people pleaser. I just want to make everyone around me happy. I want everyone to like me even if I don't like them. People keep telling me as I get older I will care less about this. I'm hoping this is true. I know in my head that I can't make everyone like me but in my heart I'm still a people pleaser. 

It is ok to outgrow relationships. 

         I'm not saying you will outgrow every relationship. What I am saying is that not every relationship will last a lifetime. Just because you were best friends in junoir high school doesn't mean you will stay best friends for life. People change. Their interests and focus change. I use to feel so guilty and awful about not wanting to stay close to certain friends. The hardest time was becoming a parent. I was younger (a few months shy of 24).  A lot of my friends were still in the "growing up" phase of their life. I was more in the "I'm grown up and parenting" phase. Some of the friendships have rekindled and now are stronger than ever. There is a saying that I love and works perfect here: "In life you will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you.  But most important are the ones that bring out the best in you. Those are the ones worth keeping around."  I can look at anyone in my past or present and place them in those categories. The users I cut out of my life as soon as I realize who they are. Testers aren't always a bad thing. I believe my daughter and hubby test and teach me everyday. They also fall into the final category of making me into the best version of myself. 

You can't force people to change into who you want them to be. 

        There are some great people in my life who have awful ideas about race, money, religion. God says love them anyway. So I pray for you.  The ones that I cut out of my life are the racists. I will pray hard for you. You might still be my friend on Facebook but I unfollow you. That way I don't have to start a fight on why I un friended you. But at the same time, I don't have to see your misguided viewpoint on race. If you read this and think I'm talking about you, then I'm probably talking about you. 

Marriage is hardwork. 

     I could write a whole blog on this. I grew up on fairy tales and romantic comedies. They made it seem like you fell in love and everything was magical. (Oh and Forrest creatures would clean your house.) By the time I found my true love, my soulmate, I learned fairy tales were not real. I even included in my vows that I couldn't promise all rainbows and butterflies. Any relationship in life will have ups and downs. I believe marriage is forever. I do not believe in divorce. That might upset some reading this. I believe you can't go into marriage with any attitude other than this is forever. Or you will set yourself up for failure. There will be days where you don't like each other but you stay because you love each other. Here is my favorite quote on love and marriage: 

"I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that's true of beginnings, but it's not true of this, now. I fell in love with him. But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me." V. Roth 

Parenting is hardwork. 

     I could, also, write a whole blog on this. You take two people from completely different backgrounds (most of the time) and have them decide how to raise a child together. Then when you add in step parents, you've got 4 different ideas, and 4 very different people thinking they know what is best. To say parenting is a challenge is an understatement.  In the end, you do the best you can to raise a smart, independent, confident, caring person. You'll make mistakes. You must admit the mistake and learn from it. Just know that others are judging but they only see part of the picture. Don't let their judgements make you compromise your parenting. 

Christianity is misjudged over and over. 

         I'm a Christian. It means that I know Jesus is God's son and He died for my sins. And that I've asked him to forgive me of my sins and lead my life. Being a Christian does not mean, I'm perfect. I'm a work in progress. Everyday I try harder. Being a Christian does not mean that I judge others. We are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. Being a Christian is suppose to mean that God is your leader. It means that you are to show God's love to others, even your enemies. This I still struggle with. I pray daily for my enemies. One day I pray, God gives me the strength to show His love to them. 

Mental Health is just as important as physical health but the stigma prevents people from seeking treatment. 

         I have seen some great MeMes lately of this. No one tells someone with a broken leg to just get over it or to just "think positive and it will heal." Yet people do this to people struggling with depression or anxiety or some other form of mental illness. If the person could just think positive and be better, they would. No one wants to live that way. Mental health and physical health are connected. Both need to be treated properly.  I have loved ones who greatly struggle with this. I know how hard they are fighting. I wish the world could see it too. 

Lastly, I still fully believe that everything happens for a reason. 

        I believe that we aren't always going to know the reason. Sometimes we discover the reason years later. Sometimes we never do. But I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I love that saying: "Evertyhing happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make poor choices." I know that sounds harsh but it is true. I've made poor choices that have ended badly. You just learn from it and move on.