This is my first attempt at blogging from my iPhone. So please excuse all typos.
I am 2 days away from turning 30. I'm really struggling with it. I'd love to be one of those people that just say age is just a number. But I'm not cool lie that. I look back and wondevwhere all the time has went. I feel like I should have done more in the last 30 years. I feel like they have flown by.
I was walking through a gift shop and losing myself in all the quotes on the gifts for sale. And I felt a total calmness come over me. I re-read a quote thinking the quite brought me peace but I realized that the quote wasn't it. I couldn't figure out what brought the peace. Then I started singing along (in my head) to the song on the store's speaker. That's when I realized the peace was from the song.
Landslide by fleetwood Mac moves me beyond words. A high school classmate sung it in a talent show. At the time I remembered being surprised he was singing what I considered an oldie. But I really liked his version and it always stuck with me. Exertions I heard that song I would think of Kraig. We weren't close. I knew him since I was in fourth grade. He was the cool, cute guy that everyone liked. He was friends with my brother. He died tragically in a car accident on his 23rd birthday. I went to his funeral to support my brother. And in his funeral program was a journal entry he wrote two months before his death. He was so happy with life. He was at peace with the things he thought he would never achieve. And he was satisfied with all he had. My mom said somehow somewhere deep inside he knew he was going to die. I think it was a goodbye love letter to his friends and family.
So everytime I hear that song I think of Kraig. The song talks about getting older. He never got that chance. I find it ironic that he sang that song. I also find it painfully ironic that I'm struggling with the aging process. I know I am lucky to be alive. I have known so many people to die before they even turned 20 (Tony, Holly, Aaron, Dale, Mike, Bobby, Tiffany,Heidi) or before they could turn 30 ( Kraig, Jeremy, Barry). I know each day is a gift from God. I know I am blessed and lucky to still be alive. I honestly know that.
I guess turning 30 is another reminder of my immortality. I know I won't live forever. We only have one life to live and I don't want to waste a minute of it. I'm as guilty as the next person with wasting sweet precious time on stupid things. I just need to vow to do better in the next 30 years. And be happy for every second God grants me on thus earth with those I love.
