What I love about Sundays

We have been having a wonderful sermon series at church called What I love about Sundays. Each week we have focused on different parts of Sunday service that we love from tithing to music to fellowship. Today the sermon focused on Baptisms. We baptized over 35 people today. And Pastor Mike talked about his memories of past baptisms. That made me ponder the baptisms I have seen over the years, starting with my own.

On March 10, 1990, my mother, my older sister, my older brother, and I were baptized in my childhood Southern Baptist Church in Medora. It was amazing to be able to share the moment with my family. To be baptized is to be reborn in Christ. It isn't to say that you spend your life being perfect. I am far from it. But I have a peace and grace knowing God has forgiven me. I know where I will spend my eternity. My faith is my driving force that has gotten me through every rough spot over the years. And when I stumble and fall off the right path, I know God is always there to welcome me back with open arms.

December 2007, my husband of less than 2 months told me he wanted to get baptized. I told him no. I thought he was doing it to make me happy, I said let's wait and pray about it. In May 2008, I got the privilege of baptizing the love of my life. It was moving and wonderful. It was the beginning of our Christ center marriage. I am glad we prayed about it and waited until we knew he was doing it for all the right reasons.

Today Pastor Mike said there is a lot of decision about baptism and whether you need to be baptized to be a Christian. But if you look back in the Bible the earliest followers never debated it. When they decided to follow Christ they were submerged into the water to die to sin and be reborn to Christ. I liked that Pastor Mike talked about that. Too many people think it is useless step. If it is a useless step then why did Jesus get baptized by John the Baptist. He was showing us how to make your commitment to God. If you haven't been baptized, pray about it. Open yourself up and see where God leads you.

survived

It was hard but we made it through her first few days. I cried so hard that I gave myself a migraine. It was so painful yer happy at the same time. I am proud that she went she is a big girl and started kindergarten. But I am sad that my baby girl is growing up. It is bitter sweet. She loves her teacher and her class. She loves going to school all day. She loves having the choice of hot lunch or cold lunch. She is happy and that is all that matters. I am adjusting. Today was weird because it is my first Monday with no work and no gabrielle. I will be volunteering in her school, but that hasn't started yet. So I am spending the day cleaning and catching up on laundry and housework. I kind of let everything go because last week was rough on me. So we made it. And I do believe one day soon I will not tear up dropping her off at school. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

first day of school

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body" Elizabeth Stone

My baby and my entire world is getting ready to start school. I never knew how emotionally it would be. Last year, she went to preschool. I didn't even make it out of the school before I started crying. I bawled so hard I couldn't drive. It was rough. I know that there are those moms out there that don't relate to me. That is fine you can just stop reading. I also know that there are those without children and can't get me. You can just stop reading too.

I am beyond close to my daughter. For over 2 1/2 years, it was just gabrielle and I against the world. We struggled. I was a single mom with a social worker job. Making ends meet was hard. We went without TV for 6 months and didn't miss it. When Mike and I started dating, I was honest. I let him know I could NEVER put him before gabrielle NO MATTER WHAT. I know that isn't always easy for him but he is always patient about it.

I just can't believe my little baby is starting school. Tomorrow she and I go to her school for an hour for an open house. Then Thursday Mike and I will take her to school. Then Mike is going to do his best to get me through the day. It is hard to explain, but I will try.

I never wanted to be a mom. You read that right. I love children. I taught children through children and daycare centers. I babysat for years. I helped care for younger siblings. I LOVE children. But I never thought I could be a good mother. I am emotionally, short tempered, and struggle with depression. I just didn't think I could be a decent mother. Then God surprised me with a pregnancy. And I knew the second I was pregnant that I wanted her with every ounce of my being. Something changed in me. You know that song "The Reason" by Hoobstank. It is how I felt about my life. She was the reason I turned my life on a positive path. She made me a better person. And all my fears went away. I knew that I would be the best mommy ever. No matter what I had to do I would be the best mommy for gabrielle. That is what I have done.

"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person so make leaning unnecessary." Dorothy Canfield Fisher

I know my job is now to give her wings to fly. But it is hard. She is my youngest, oldest, first, ONLY child EVER. And that makes all these milestones harder. I took the next two days off. I know it will be hard on me. And I know that everyone will not be able to relate and that is okay. But I am having so much trouble with this. If you pray, please pray for me. Pray that I have the strength to let go. I know that this is a necessary step. (Because Mike refuses to let me home school.) I know I will get through this. Trust me, I know that people are going through MUCH rougher things. Right now, I just need to more and celebrate this milestone.