She made me be more careful of my words, because I'll never forget my last words to her. It happened just outside Mrs. Coffman's English class. She was talking with a group of mutual friends. She was giggling when I walked up. I asked what was so funny. I don't remember the next few little comments we said back and forth, but I remember us being sarcastic. Then I said, "Fine. You won't tell me. Then I'm never speaking to you again." Yes, they were said joking around. Yes, I know that there was no way of me knowing those would be my last words. Seventeen years later, I still feel horrible about it. I have lost many friends and family since. In the case of my grandpa and mother-in-law, I knew they were dying. I made my last words to them full of love and leaving no words unsaid.
Losing Holly made me think any moment God could call me home. I fixated on what her last words spoken were. I was so afraid my last words to others would leave unsaid stuff. So I wrote a note to my loved ones, in case of my death. I still have it. I revise it yearly. It is my final goodbye. I write it so that way I know my final words will be positive, meaningful words. It gives my loved ones closure, peace, and reassurance (or at least I hope so.)
Holly had a voice of an angel. She sung so beautifully. I love to sing. I only was able to fit chorus in one year in high school. I'm not a talented singer but I enjoyed it so very much. I was always afraid embarrassing myself, so I didn't sing often. After her death and to this day, I sing all the time. Ask my family. I'm constantly making up songs. Her death taught me that life is too short to not do the things you enjoy.
Her death taught me that I will never know God's reasons. After her car accident, she lived in ICU until the next morning. I went to school praying that she would be fine. I was convinced she would be fine. In my English class, some mean girls were talking about the accident and her death. (She was dead by that time but all of us at school didn't know it.) I lost it and said she was going to be fine and would come back to school. She would sing and graduate valedictorian. Later when the news reached us that she was gone, I was lost. I coukdnt believe it. I looked to my wise English teacher and asked for words of comfort. He told me the only word he could think of was "why" (not very comforting). Actually it ticked me off at the time.
A few days later he came to me and told me this story: (disclaimer I can't remember it word for word) There was a famous, successful artist. He was older and a bachelor. He never thought he would find "the one". He finally found his true love. They were madly in love. Then she became ill and died. He was devastated. Time passed and in an interviewed he explain how he coped with it. He believed that we all started out as a giant block of stone. Then God chips away parts of our block. It hurts to lose those pieces. We don't understand why those pieces must be taken. We think we will die without those pieces, but we don't die. We change. We become more and more of the beautiful sculpture that we are meant to be. It was like that teacher spoke straight to my soul. That story has helped me through so many tough times.
In closing, she taught me about friendship, love, and loss. She will never be forgotten.
