first day of school

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body" Elizabeth Stone

My baby and my entire world is getting ready to start school. I never knew how emotionally it would be. Last year, she went to preschool. I didn't even make it out of the school before I started crying. I bawled so hard I couldn't drive. It was rough. I know that there are those moms out there that don't relate to me. That is fine you can just stop reading. I also know that there are those without children and can't get me. You can just stop reading too.

I am beyond close to my daughter. For over 2 1/2 years, it was just gabrielle and I against the world. We struggled. I was a single mom with a social worker job. Making ends meet was hard. We went without TV for 6 months and didn't miss it. When Mike and I started dating, I was honest. I let him know I could NEVER put him before gabrielle NO MATTER WHAT. I know that isn't always easy for him but he is always patient about it.

I just can't believe my little baby is starting school. Tomorrow she and I go to her school for an hour for an open house. Then Thursday Mike and I will take her to school. Then Mike is going to do his best to get me through the day. It is hard to explain, but I will try.

I never wanted to be a mom. You read that right. I love children. I taught children through children and daycare centers. I babysat for years. I helped care for younger siblings. I LOVE children. But I never thought I could be a good mother. I am emotionally, short tempered, and struggle with depression. I just didn't think I could be a decent mother. Then God surprised me with a pregnancy. And I knew the second I was pregnant that I wanted her with every ounce of my being. Something changed in me. You know that song "The Reason" by Hoobstank. It is how I felt about my life. She was the reason I turned my life on a positive path. She made me a better person. And all my fears went away. I knew that I would be the best mommy ever. No matter what I had to do I would be the best mommy for gabrielle. That is what I have done.

"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person so make leaning unnecessary." Dorothy Canfield Fisher

I know my job is now to give her wings to fly. But it is hard. She is my youngest, oldest, first, ONLY child EVER. And that makes all these milestones harder. I took the next two days off. I know it will be hard on me. And I know that everyone will not be able to relate and that is okay. But I am having so much trouble with this. If you pray, please pray for me. Pray that I have the strength to let go. I know that this is a necessary step. (Because Mike refuses to let me home school.) I know I will get through this. Trust me, I know that people are going through MUCH rougher things. Right now, I just need to more and celebrate this milestone.