130/365 raising a bi-racial daughter in a racist world

I have known since I found out I was pregnant that I faced different issues then some parents.  My daughter has been blessed to have everyone in her family (dad's, mom's, and step-dad's families) accept her and love her for who she is.  I am not naive.  I don't think this will always be the case.  I didn't fully understand racism was still as bad as it was until I dated her dad.  I wrote an article for the school paper on it.  I believe it has been some of best writing to date for me.  He opened my eyes to the racism that I had been blind to.  He taught me that sometimes you have to ignore it.  Some people will never truly get over their racism.  He said something to the effect, "You would drive yourself crazy arguing or trying to educate every dirty look or racist comment."  He was right.  It's everywhere.  People don't even know when they are doing it.  I try to educate everyone that I can which can be maddening.  I remembering having a small child ask me if I was babysitting Gabrielle.  I said no I'm her mom.  "She's black. You're white.  You can't be her mom."  I explained that her father is black and her mother is white that makes her bi-racial; all this while her father just sat there.  I now face a tougher challenge of educating my daughter.  It began last MLK day.  When she came home from school she asked if she was white or black.  (Before than she didn't know color. Most small children don't according to her teachers.)  I told her she was both.  She got upset and said she wanted to be just like me.  I said she was lucky.  Everybody is their father and mother combined.  She gets to be bi-racial which is special.  I explained that her father is black and her mother is white.  She cried and said she didn't want to be the only one.  I said, you're not.  I listed off all the kids in her class, people she knew, and lastly President Obama.  She thinks it is cool that she gets to be just like him.  But she still tries to say she wishes she has more freckles or red hair.  I tell her I wish I had her curls and could tan like she does in the summer instead of my burning.  She laughs and tells me yes I don't want to burn like you.  I know as she gets older there will be bigger questions and more issues to deal with.  I'm ready.  My favorite children's books so far on the topic is my picture of the day.

Gabrielle loves to read.  So I have books with white characters, black characters, Mexican characters, etc.  I ask for advice from teachers who have been teaching on race issues for years.  I keep myself educated.  She has asked more and more questions. So far I have had the answers.  When the day comes that I don't have the answers, I will be honest.  I will research it and get back to her.  I think the most important thing for any child is to know that they are loved exactly the way they are.  They need to know they are loved unconditionally from their parents.  She knows that.  She knows she has 3 parents who love her that way.  How lucky can you get?  I know we will tackle these issues as they arise just like we tackle all issues through prayer and guidance from above.

129/365 back relief

This is one of my treatments.  I have to ice both spots ( head to help with swelling that could be causing my headaches).  I have to ice for thirty minutes.  Take the ice for thirty minutes.  Then ice for another thirty.  It is not fun but I'm willing to try anything to get pain down. 

128/365 Mother's Day

I am blessed to be a mother.  I love every second of it even those trying moments.  I was scared when I found out I was having a baby.  I had graduated college 4 months before.  I hadn't been able to find a real job.  I took job in a call center.  My relationship was ending with her father whom I had been with for over 2 years.  My grandfather was dying.  (My grandfather stepped up as a father many times in my life.)  I was battling so much depression from all of those events.  Then I found out I was pregnant on December 30, 2003. (December 30th is Mike's birthday.  God works in mysterious ways.)  My grandpa died on January 4, 2004.  I lost my job because I took the time off for the funeral and to be with my family.  The company had a no fault so many days missed and you are let go.  So I was jobless, lost my grandpa, and my relationship was in ruins with the father of my unborn baby.  My mom said it would be okay; and that I could move in with her and she would help me out.  She and I have not always seen eye to eye, but when I need her the most she is always there.  I was scared to death but there was no option but to have Gabrielle.  I don't believe in abortion.  And I could never do adoption. I knew that this was part of God's plan for me even if I didn't know how it would all work out.  Plus from the moment I knew I was pregnant I loved her.  I knew she was a girl because I always thought I wanted a boy.  So I knew God would be funny and give me a girl.  I am so glad He did.

Gabrielle had been the best blessing God has given to me.  Because of Gabrielle I renewed my walk with God.  Because of Gabrielle I become a healthier person, a better person.  I have more patience, more compassionate, more wisdom.  Everyday I thank God for the blessing of my daughter.  I hear too often, "I can't wait until my kids are out of the house."  I think those people have issues.  This time goes by so fast.  I swear it was just yesterday that I found out I was having her.  I treasure the precious time I have with her as a child because before I know it she will be grown with a daughter of her own.  So I will spend these years teaching her life's important lessons. 

I also have to say that I am beyond blessed that God knew the master plan.  He knew that I would find a meaningful job helping others.  That I would find a church family.  That I would reconnect with a college friend who turned out to be my soul mate.  He also redefined all thoughts I had on step-parents.  Gabrielle and I are truly blessed to have Mike. 

Today after church and my daughter's baptism, we went down to Sugar Creek Reserve. We hiked, climbed trees, and enjoyed this beautiful day.  I am so blessed.  My life isn't perfect. I struggle with pain daily. I have issues that need to be worked out with people.  I have my problems, but I have more blessings than troubles.  What more could you ask for?

127/365 To all Mothers Who have lost a child

Today is the 13th anniversary of Holly's death.  I can't believe 13 years have passed.  It feels like yesterday.  Every minute of that is so fresh in my head.  I still miss her.  I have lost too many people in my class and the class above and below mine.   I can't imagine the pain their mothers felt and continue to feel.    I pray I never do.  In light of what today is and what tomorrow is I am sharing on of my favorite columns about losing a child.

Mothers who have lost a child - May 14, 1995
Erma Bombeck
If you're looking for an answer this Mother's Day on why God reclaimed your child, I don't  know.  I only know that thousands of mothers out there today desperately need an answer as to why they were permitted to go through the elation of carrying child and then lose it to miscarriage, accident , violence, disease, or drugs
Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions.  It's a state of mind.  From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.  It's a promise we can't keep.  We beat ourselves to death over that pledge.  "If I hadn't worked through the eighth month."  "If I had taken him to the doctor when he had a fever."  "If I hadn't let him use the car that night."  "If I hadn't been so naive, I'd have noticed he was on drugs."
The longer I live, the more convinced I become that surviving changes us.  After the bitterness, the anger, the guilt, and the despair are tempered by time, we look at life differently.
While I was writing  my book, I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise, I talked with mothers who had lost a child to cancer.  Every single one said death gave their lives new meaning and purpose.  And who do you think prepared them for the rough, lonely road they had to travel?  Their dying child.  They pointed their mothers toward the future and told them to keep going.  The children had already accepted what their mothers were fighting to reject.
The children in the bombed-out nursery in Oklahoma City have touched more lives than they will ever know.  Workers who had probably given their kids a mechanical pat on the head without thinking that morning are making phone calls home during the day to their children to say "I love you."
This may seem like a strange Mother's Day column on a day when joy and life abound for the millions of mothers throughout the country.  But it's also a day of appreciation and respect.  I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.
In the face of adversity, we are not permitted to ask, "Why me?"  You can ask, but you wont get an answer.  Maybe you are the instrument who is left behind to perpetuate the life that was lost and appreciate the time you had with it.
The late Gilda Radner summit it up well:  I wanted a perfect ending.  Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.  Delicious ambiguity.

125/365 Believer's Baptism

I actually did a blog about this awhile back. It's been over a year.  In light of current events I wanted to revisited the topic. I believe in immersion baptism or believer's baptism.  Here's why: Jesus was baptized in the Bible by John the Baptist.  (Matthew 3:13-17)  I was baptized as a child.  I knew Jesus was God's one and only son. I knew He died for my sins and rose again.  I decided at 9 to make that choice.  It was because before that I didn't know those things.  When we lived in Joliet our father would take us to church on Greek Easter.  Sometimes we would go to Vacation Bible Study at a church down the street.  But I didn't really know that much.  When we moved to Medora I was invited to church that first Sunday.  I started going.  Then my mom and siblings started coming.  We all actually got baptized on the same day (March 10, 1990).  I fell away from the Lord during my college years.  I scummed to peer pressure.  I just wanted people to like me.  I just wanted to fit in.  I still prayed to God and occasionally read my Bible but I was not living the way God wanted me to.  Having Gabrielle turned me back.  It wasn't over night.  But I knew I wanted my daughter to grow up in a Christian home.  It took me a bit to get back on the right path.  I'm not perfect.  No human is.  I am a Christian.  Some people have misinformation about Christians; that they feel if you are a Christian you're perfect or you aren't a real Christian.  I love how our pastor breaks it down and says he still sins.  You stumble, you ask for forgiveness, and you move forward and do better.


From the moment Gabrielle was born, I prayed to her and over her.  I read her stories from the Children's Bible.  When she was 18 months old, we started going to Eastview.  A co-worker invited me.  This was the place for us.  I came to get my life back in order.  I came to reconnect with God.  I still was struggling with sin in my life.  I kept trying to do better.  When Mike and I married, he started coming to church more and more.  At first he didn't like the huge feeling of Eastview.  But he loved the services.  We began to pray every night at bedtime.  One day in December of 2007, he said he wanted to be baptized.  I thought he was doing it for  me.  I told him to keep praying about it.  We kept praying and started reading the Bible together.  He told me in April of 2008 that he wanted to be baptized.  We meet with the pastor.  Mike was ready.  Now the cool thing about our church is the pastor doesn't do the baptizing.  Well he does if you want him to.  I was raised in a church that only the pastor could baptize.  When I asked our pastor about it, he quoted the Bible.  Matthew 28:19 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"  As long as you were baptized by immersion (Believer's Baptism not Christening) than you can baptize.  So I got to baptize my husband on May 4, 2008.

Isn't that awesome! I had the privilege of baptizing my husband!  Gabrielle got to witness it.  She talked about it forever.  She had all kinds of questions.  Will I be baptized?  Yes when you are ready.  When will I be ready?  When you understand what it means and you want to make that choice.  She has been filled with questions for the last three years.  I figured I would keep answering her questions.  During that time she kept going to Kidsview (which is our version of Sunday School).  We kept doing family prayers and devotionals. We got involved in a small group Bible study. She would help me teach my baby Kidsview class.  She learned about service and helping those less fortunate.  We read the Bible stories.  We made sure she always knew the real meaning of Easter and Christmas.  She did upward cheer leading where they did devotionals at games and practice.   She joined Kids Khoir at our church.  So many people helped her grow spiritually.  Her father prays before every meal.  Her Grandparent Quinns say Grace before meals.  Her Grandma Cathy would talk to her about heaven.  My mom would talk to her about God.  Tons of people at Eastview helped plant seeds of faith in her.

Our church did 24 hours of prayer at church the week leading up to Easter.  She came with me and sometimes we all went together as a family.  One of the prayers by the Big Kidsview room (where she is moving up to next month) was that children make their own decision to follow God and be baptized.  After we said that prayer, Gabrielle said, "Doesn't everybody want to follow God?"  We had a talk about how their are different religions (we have had this talk many times especially when she had a Jewish boy tell her Christmas isn't real) that don't follow God.  Plus children need to make their own minds up about following God not to do it just because their parents want them to.  She told us that, "I already follow Jesus."  At another station we prayed for Global outreach and said, "we want everyone to know about God's Love."  Gabrielle told us she's always known about God's love and can't remember never knowing.  That night she asked more questions about baptism; a topic she hadn't asked about in awhile.

On Easter (that's my picture above for today)  she wanted to sit in the front row so she could see Mike play in the band.  At the end of church we did an old fashion invitation.  She hadn't seen one before.  She asked about it.  I said that's where you can go forward and tell one of the pastors that you want to recommit to following Jesus or you want to be baptized.  We continued to sing the song.  Then she told me she wanted to be baptized.  I asked if she was sure.  I asked her if she knew what that means.  She said,"Yes.  God sent his son Jesus as a baby to a manager.  He grew up to die on a cross for my sins.  His friends buried his body, but they came back three days later and the stone was rolled away.  Jesus was gone because He was risen.  You get baptized to tell everyone and God that you want to follow Jesus and God."  I said you have to be doing this for yourself not for me.  Her responsive was classic, "Why would I do it for you?  I don't get it."  She truly made that choice on her own.  She wanted to go forward to tell Pastor Mike Baker.  He was thrilled.  He married Mike and I.  He has watched us grow to be active members in the church.  He told her that he was 6 1/2 when he was baptized.  That made me feel better.  I was worried that people would think that she was too young.  She is young but she very mature in her faith.  She knows more about the Bible and God then a lot of adults.  I am proud of her.  I am proud that she made that choice on her own.  I know she will stumble and fall but she will get back up.  I will be here to help her stay on the right path.  I know that so many loved ones will be helping her stay on that path as well.  She will make mistakes.  She will sin.  I just hope she doesn't make the same mistake I did when I turned my back on God.  I hope she will never lose sight of His Love.  I have never been prouder of her. 

124/365 Girl Scout Capitol Day

I never allow Gabrielle to miss school unless she is really sick.  I decided to let her miss today for Girl Scout Day at the Capitol.  She had an excuse letter from Lisa Madigan so I figured it was safe.  It was a great learning opportunity.  She had a blast.  She wants to go back and tour the Capitol building (the others in our group didn't want to).  She also wants to spend a day going through all the Lincoln homes and Lincoln sites.  She loved touring the Old Capitol building, ballet class (where she learned the cha-cha slide which made me think of her dad who is the master of that dance), having a rally, and so much more.  It was a wonderful learning experience.  I promised one day this summer we would go and do more sites.  I love that she is interested in history. I love history.  Mike loves history. My mom loves history.  Her dad's major was history.  Love of history runs in the family.  Here are some of my favorites.  I couldn't choose one. 

She made a Lincoln hat. The sun was super bright but she didn't want to wear sunglasses in pictures.

This was the rally to the Capital where all the Girl Scouts(over 2,000) and family got to parade to the Capitol.

This is the rest of her troop that made it.  They were posing being silly.  I hope the next time we go more girls can make it.

She loved her pin wheel she made.  I think she looks super cute in this picture.

Making bracelet together in the very warm sun.  It felt great to have the sun out again.  All and all it was a wonderful day.  She learned a lot and had fun.  I'm glad we got to do it. 

122/365 please vote

Go to facebook.  Like Studio J Photography.  Like this image of Gabrielle.  Comment on the image. We can win a  A 16x20 Giclee Gallery Wrap Canvas of this image!! Pass it on to your friends.  You can click on the link on my or Mike's facebook pages.  It's a sure cute image.  It's only blurring because I copied and pasted it.  Please help us out.