265 A Daughter Needs a Mom...

I believe one of the hardest parts of being a parent is knowing when to let go and when to hold on tight.  It makes it harder when you only have one child.  I truly believe this.  Here's why.  You have more time to devote to the child and do things for the child.  So you baby them when you don't mean to.  This is something I struggle with.  Even with my horrible back/shoulder pain, my first instinct when she is hurt is to pick her up. (I know she is too big for this.  My hubby gets upset because he knows I'll be in pain later.)  This last year I have been trying to give her more independence and let her do more things on her own.  It's so hard to feel like you are needed less and less each year.   I was a wreck when she weaned because she no longer needed me in that way.  I think it is also hard because she is the first and only.  So every milestone is the first and last one I will experience as a parent. I have been struggling with thinking my daughter doesn't need me as much as when she was little.  Mike reassures me this isn't true.  Mike is constantly reminding me that she prefers me over everyone else.  Last year for Christmas, Gabrielle (with Mike's help) got me a book called Why a Daughter Needs a Mom.  I can't read it without crying.  Actually I am pretty sure I still haven't read all of it.  When I have a bad day or she is in an attitude, I pull the book out and read a page.  Here are some examples:
-"A daughter needs a mom to share in her excitement when she falls in love for the first time."
-"A daughter needs a mom to love her for who she is."
-"A daughter needs a mom to teach her not to wait until tomorrow to say, 'I'm sorry.'"
-"A daughter needs a mom to provide her with memories that will last forever."
-"A daughter needs a mom to carry her when she is tired."
-"A daughter needs a mom because there are some things a dad can't handle." LOL but true
-"A daughter needs a mom to show her how to give back to others."
-"A daughter needs a mom to show her how to love someone with all her heart."
This book reminds me that no matter how old she gets, she will always need her mommy.  Just like I still need my mom.  My mom is the second person I call when something is wrong or is great.  (First of course is my hubby.)  I still need my mom for comfort and hugs and encouragement.  I know in my heart that Gabrielle will always need me.  It's just hard to let go.  It's hard to give her independence.  She says she will live with us forever.  Mike tells me not to hold my breath.  My job is to prepare her for the world.  I'm working hard at that.  I'm teaching her about God and faith, racism, forgiveness, patience, anger and managing it, giving back to others, having fun, doing the right thing, honesty, strength, crying is not always a bad thing, etc.  Every day I am teaching her about love and marriage through modeling my marriage.  Even though she says she doesn't want to marry, I believe that will change.  And my prayer is that she will find her Mike and be loved like she deserves.  It's my job to teach her the difference between "a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her, a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her, a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly, a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her, a man who believes he is God's gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man. "  


My daughter will always need me just as I will always need my mom.  The list goes on and on about what I need to teach her.  I look forward to it all and treasure it.  The greatest joy in my life is being a mommy and wife.  I cherish every moment with my child even when she is not being the best.