I can't believe today is gabrielle's last full day of kindergarten. Looking back the year flew by so fast. That first day was so hard on me. I cried until I gave myself a migraine. I begged Mike to let me home school. It is not often that Mike tells me no, but he did and I am glad that he did.
I remember being disappointed because gabrielle didn't get into the private school I wanted her to. But God always does have a plan. Colene Hoose is amazing. I was completely wrong about public school, or at least this public school. The staff is so caring. The principal knows each student's name. The office secretaries are friendly and informative. Even though there were 750 students in her school, you still got that small town feeling there. I think it helped that I was there every week helping out. I joined the PTO and became a fixture in the school. And next year I taking on more jobs/responsibilities in the school through PTO. I will be in charge of the Toys for Tots program, help in the library, and hopefully gabrielle's class next year.
As for her teacher, we LOVE her. Mrs. Yokley has been an amazing, caring, inspirational teacher. She has taught gabrielle so much this year. There use to be a poster that said Everything I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten. Then it listed everything that you learn in kindergarten. You learn everything from being more independent, to sharing, to resolving conflict, to reading, writing, math. It blows my mind how much she has learned this year.
I am beyond happy that she didn't get in that private school. I am happy to be a Hoose Hawk family. And I am glad that Mike said no to home schooling.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
true love
I had a high school teacher who informed me that I was in love with being in love. She was convinced that I would be married and divorced over and over, because I loved falling in love. I always thought she was right. I mean I had a ridiculous amount of marriage proposals. I fell in love over and over. I was in love with the ideal of true love.
This last week taught me that I was wrong. I am not in love with being in love. And I am not in love with the ideal of true love. I have true love. True love isn't about fairy tales or long walks on the beach or roses everyday. True love isn't what you see in the movies.
True love is sitting by your love's hospital bed. True love is showering your spouse after surgery, changing their bandages, and helping them get dressed. True love is about the ups and downs. Holding hands and hearts through it all.
I am so glad that teacher was wrong. I am not in love with being in love. I am in love with being married to my soulmate.
This last week taught me that I was wrong. I am not in love with being in love. And I am not in love with the ideal of true love. I have true love. True love isn't about fairy tales or long walks on the beach or roses everyday. True love isn't what you see in the movies.
True love is sitting by your love's hospital bed. True love is showering your spouse after surgery, changing their bandages, and helping them get dressed. True love is about the ups and downs. Holding hands and hearts through it all.
I am so glad that teacher was wrong. I am not in love with being in love. I am in love with being married to my soulmate.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
my job
I am taking a break at my job to write about my job. Kind of funny? There is this new awesome federal program called Money Follows the Person or MFP for short. It is new to McLean County. And myself and a co-worker are in charge of the program for McLean County. MFP is a program to get nursing home residents back into the community who have been in the nursing home for at least 6 months and are on Medicaid (public aid). You see once you go to a Nursing Home longer that a short stay if you are Medicaid all your income minus $30 goes to the nursing home. So you eventually lose your apartment because you have no income to pay your rent. Then you have no way of saving up for rent/deposit. That is where this program steps in. It is great and a bit overwhelming. I have my first MFP client. She has been in the nursing home for 6 months. I have an apartment for her. Now I have to get all the stuff for her apartment. I thought that would be fun. Then my co-worker helped me realize how much stuff we have to get.
Look around your home. Think of the essentials. She has none of that, no furniture, no soap, no toilet paper, no food, NOTHING. I have to get that all for her. So it is a little overwhelming. Then I thought about it some more. How awesome is it that I get to do this? I get to take a person who was in a nursing home for 4 years that never thought she would get to go home. And I get to get her into the community. She is so thrilled and excited. She gets her cat back, that her vet has been watching for her. Her cat is like a kid to her. She is happy to get privacy and her own place.
People ask me why I am a social worker. This is why. To see the difference I am making in her life is worth it.
Look around your home. Think of the essentials. She has none of that, no furniture, no soap, no toilet paper, no food, NOTHING. I have to get that all for her. So it is a little overwhelming. Then I thought about it some more. How awesome is it that I get to do this? I get to take a person who was in a nursing home for 4 years that never thought she would get to go home. And I get to get her into the community. She is so thrilled and excited. She gets her cat back, that her vet has been watching for her. Her cat is like a kid to her. She is happy to get privacy and her own place.
People ask me why I am a social worker. This is why. To see the difference I am making in her life is worth it.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I believe in prayers
I truly believe in prayers. The power of prayer is amazing and beautiful. Many times in life there is nothing you can do but pray.
My 14 year-old nephew was in a car accident on the 26th. His grandpa hit black ice and lost control of this car. Another car T bone my nephew's side of the car. It didn't look good. He had to be air lifted to a better equipped hospital. He was in ICU for several days. He wasn't even able to breath on his own. I couldn't do anything but pray. So that's what I did. I prayed for him. So many people prayed for him. Now he is out of ICU healing really well. And also God answered a long time prayer for me. He is my sister's boy but is raised by his father. Due to all kinds of issues, I had not seen him in years. I didn't even have a contact number for him. I always prayed for him. I prayed that one day we would reconnect. Now we have. I am sorry that it took a car accident to do so.
I pray for people constantly. A lot of the time, I don't get to know if the prayers have been answered. I just keep praying. Sometimes it is great to look back and see the prayers that were answered. Maybe I should keep a prayer journal. I sometimes lack the courage to point blank ask a person if the prayer was answered. In those cases, I just keep praying for that person. Then God shows me how it was answered.
My big prayers for 2010 is health for my friends and family, deeper relationships with God for me and my loved ones, and strength for my loved ones still suffering through the losses of 2009.
My 14 year-old nephew was in a car accident on the 26th. His grandpa hit black ice and lost control of this car. Another car T bone my nephew's side of the car. It didn't look good. He had to be air lifted to a better equipped hospital. He was in ICU for several days. He wasn't even able to breath on his own. I couldn't do anything but pray. So that's what I did. I prayed for him. So many people prayed for him. Now he is out of ICU healing really well. And also God answered a long time prayer for me. He is my sister's boy but is raised by his father. Due to all kinds of issues, I had not seen him in years. I didn't even have a contact number for him. I always prayed for him. I prayed that one day we would reconnect. Now we have. I am sorry that it took a car accident to do so.
I pray for people constantly. A lot of the time, I don't get to know if the prayers have been answered. I just keep praying. Sometimes it is great to look back and see the prayers that were answered. Maybe I should keep a prayer journal. I sometimes lack the courage to point blank ask a person if the prayer was answered. In those cases, I just keep praying for that person. Then God shows me how it was answered.
My big prayers for 2010 is health for my friends and family, deeper relationships with God for me and my loved ones, and strength for my loved ones still suffering through the losses of 2009.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Imagine
I am blessed to be a part of an amazing church. I love my church. A few years back we started Imagine. As church members we donate new coats, new toys, and food for those in need. "Imagine everyone has a coat, toy, food, and Jesus for Christmas." I have always donated, but this year I stepped up and helped with the distribution. I decided to be a host. The job as host was to get to know the families and take them through to get the items and pray with them.
As a social worker I come into contact with those in needs everyday. But this was different. I got to not only meet their worldly needs, but their spiritually needs. I prayed with them. I heard the most heart breaking stories. I got to offer them the hope of Jesus. It was beyond rewarding. I helped 8 families. And I got to know prayer requests for each family. I will keep them in my prayers.
This holiday season try not to get wrapped up in Santa, trees, gift wrapping, baking, etc. Remember Jesus is the Reason for the Season. Remember the birth of our Savior.
As a social worker I come into contact with those in needs everyday. But this was different. I got to not only meet their worldly needs, but their spiritually needs. I prayed with them. I heard the most heart breaking stories. I got to offer them the hope of Jesus. It was beyond rewarding. I helped 8 families. And I got to know prayer requests for each family. I will keep them in my prayers.
This holiday season try not to get wrapped up in Santa, trees, gift wrapping, baking, etc. Remember Jesus is the Reason for the Season. Remember the birth of our Savior.
Monday, November 16, 2009
giving back/how blessed we are
I think sometimes we all take for granted how blessed we are. It is easy to do. We are hung up on our problems. Our problems are happening to us, so they feel so much bigger than what they really are. I have the opportunity to help at my church's food pantry. And I never cease to be amazed at how I leave being so thankful for what I do have...unlike the days I get crabby about the stuff I don't have.
I grew up on food stamps, food pantries, clothes from goodwill, donated toys, glasses from the Lions' club, and public aid health insurance. I know what it feels like to have to shop at the food pantry. While God has blessed me with being able to financial take care of my child, I never forget about how hard my mother struggle before we moved to Medora and she remarried.
In this materialistic world, it is so easy to get caught up in the newest gadgets, coach purses, latest concerts, etc. We are part of the me generations where we over indulge ourselves. I am so guilty of that. I have a shopping problem that is out of control ask my credit card or husband. We all try to justify it. "Well I work hard so I should play hard." "I didn't get a lot growing up so I am indulging myself now."
I think we should rethink it. I think we should stop indulging ourselves and help others. Before you spend another $30 on going to the movies. Think about buying food for a food pantry or toys for a toy drive. I am not saying you can't ever treat yourself. But try treating others. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel about where your time and money goes.
PS I helped a lady and her grandmother who was deaf/mute through the food pantry. Then I helped them load their car afterwards. I invited them to our church's Imagine drive. It is a drive where everyone in your house gets a new coat, each child gets a new toy, and you get a food basket. She told me how she came last year. But by the time she got to the front of the line, there were no coats in her size. She was using a blanket as a coat. A church member gave her the coat literally off her back. The lady tried to refuse and the member said no I have another one at home. This lady teared up while telling the story and how much it meant to her. So think about that story. Think how one small act of kindness can affect a life. Give back. There I am off my soap box.
I grew up on food stamps, food pantries, clothes from goodwill, donated toys, glasses from the Lions' club, and public aid health insurance. I know what it feels like to have to shop at the food pantry. While God has blessed me with being able to financial take care of my child, I never forget about how hard my mother struggle before we moved to Medora and she remarried.
In this materialistic world, it is so easy to get caught up in the newest gadgets, coach purses, latest concerts, etc. We are part of the me generations where we over indulge ourselves. I am so guilty of that. I have a shopping problem that is out of control ask my credit card or husband. We all try to justify it. "Well I work hard so I should play hard." "I didn't get a lot growing up so I am indulging myself now."
I think we should rethink it. I think we should stop indulging ourselves and help others. Before you spend another $30 on going to the movies. Think about buying food for a food pantry or toys for a toy drive. I am not saying you can't ever treat yourself. But try treating others. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel about where your time and money goes.
PS I helped a lady and her grandmother who was deaf/mute through the food pantry. Then I helped them load their car afterwards. I invited them to our church's Imagine drive. It is a drive where everyone in your house gets a new coat, each child gets a new toy, and you get a food basket. She told me how she came last year. But by the time she got to the front of the line, there were no coats in her size. She was using a blanket as a coat. A church member gave her the coat literally off her back. The lady tried to refuse and the member said no I have another one at home. This lady teared up while telling the story and how much it meant to her. So think about that story. Think how one small act of kindness can affect a life. Give back. There I am off my soap box.
Monday, October 19, 2009
take up my cross
Yesterday's sermon was a little rough on me. "If anyone comes would come after me, he must deny himself and take up the his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23
Pastor Baker discussed how people misuse the saying, "This is my cross to bear." Currently people will use it for anything from a part of a joke they hate or a family member they can't stand. Or they use it jokingly about a spouse (well let's hope jokingly). Baker said if you are literally not marching to your death it is not your cross to bear. In Jesus' time carrying a cross meant you were on your way to be torture and hung from that cross to die. So whatever you are having to endure it is not your cross to bear.
We only had one main verse yesterday (see above). It was broken down and discussed. To truly follow Jesus you must die to yourself and your selfish ways. Baker said You have to wake up every morning and say I'm going to die today. Then all decisions would be clear. It makes sense. It sounds easy and certainly not a new concept. Live each day as if you were dying, because we are.
Where it got rough for me was when he discussed the things/people we need to die to in order to put Jesus first. In other words we need to put Jesus before anything else. I can do that with almost everything. Here is where I fall short. "Number one relationship must be Jesus." Wow. It is so hard. Baker talked about people who worship their children. I do NOT worship gabrielle. I don't. I do put her first in my life. He talked about how it is wrong to put anyone before Jesus. Then he talked how it is wrong to put your children before your spouse.
Mike knew when he first started dating me that gabrielle was first. As a single mom that is the only way. You can't be a good single mom and put guys before your child. It was gabrielle and I since her birth. I mean I was with her father but we weren't together. We lived in the same apartment but we didn't even talk on a daily basis. It was rough. I always put her first. Her father didn't like that. I can understand that. But he and I was beyond repair and this wasn't the reason we didn't work. Now Mike had a hard time at first. He will openly admit that. But he also knows every other weekend he gets my full attention. I don't know how he does it. I am a hypocrite because I could not handle it. But he does. And he accepts that gabrielle is first. He doesn't love me any less for it (though that might add to his long list of reasons why he doesn't want anymore children.)
So gabrielle comes first, then Jesus, then Mike. I am not saying this is the way it is suppose to be. I am not arguing against the sermon or the Bible. I know in my mind Jesus should be first. But my heart says gabrielle needs to be first. This is my struggle. You know that verse, Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is true we are all sinners. No one is perfect. This is my sin (not my only but my biggest struggle) putting gabrielle first. I pray about it. Maybe one day I can take that leap of faith and put Jesus first. But in the mean time, I take comfort that God knows my heart and knows that I am trying. Isn't that what it is all about? That we love God and we turn away from sin and turn to Him. I am trying.
Pastor Baker discussed how people misuse the saying, "This is my cross to bear." Currently people will use it for anything from a part of a joke they hate or a family member they can't stand. Or they use it jokingly about a spouse (well let's hope jokingly). Baker said if you are literally not marching to your death it is not your cross to bear. In Jesus' time carrying a cross meant you were on your way to be torture and hung from that cross to die. So whatever you are having to endure it is not your cross to bear.
We only had one main verse yesterday (see above). It was broken down and discussed. To truly follow Jesus you must die to yourself and your selfish ways. Baker said You have to wake up every morning and say I'm going to die today. Then all decisions would be clear. It makes sense. It sounds easy and certainly not a new concept. Live each day as if you were dying, because we are.
Where it got rough for me was when he discussed the things/people we need to die to in order to put Jesus first. In other words we need to put Jesus before anything else. I can do that with almost everything. Here is where I fall short. "Number one relationship must be Jesus." Wow. It is so hard. Baker talked about people who worship their children. I do NOT worship gabrielle. I don't. I do put her first in my life. He talked about how it is wrong to put anyone before Jesus. Then he talked how it is wrong to put your children before your spouse.
Mike knew when he first started dating me that gabrielle was first. As a single mom that is the only way. You can't be a good single mom and put guys before your child. It was gabrielle and I since her birth. I mean I was with her father but we weren't together. We lived in the same apartment but we didn't even talk on a daily basis. It was rough. I always put her first. Her father didn't like that. I can understand that. But he and I was beyond repair and this wasn't the reason we didn't work. Now Mike had a hard time at first. He will openly admit that. But he also knows every other weekend he gets my full attention. I don't know how he does it. I am a hypocrite because I could not handle it. But he does. And he accepts that gabrielle is first. He doesn't love me any less for it (though that might add to his long list of reasons why he doesn't want anymore children.)
So gabrielle comes first, then Jesus, then Mike. I am not saying this is the way it is suppose to be. I am not arguing against the sermon or the Bible. I know in my mind Jesus should be first. But my heart says gabrielle needs to be first. This is my struggle. You know that verse, Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is true we are all sinners. No one is perfect. This is my sin (not my only but my biggest struggle) putting gabrielle first. I pray about it. Maybe one day I can take that leap of faith and put Jesus first. But in the mean time, I take comfort that God knows my heart and knows that I am trying. Isn't that what it is all about? That we love God and we turn away from sin and turn to Him. I am trying.
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