My thoughts

I'm writing this as a mother of a child of color. I start with that statement because that is who I am. It impacts the way I think and process all that is going on. This post is what has been on my mind.

I've struggled with what to say. I have remained silent for the most part. (my Twitter account has been very active). I was worried about upsetting people yet those same people are constantly upsetting me. Here is the thing if you find this post upsetting or offensive, do me the honor and Unfriend me. I probably unfollowed your account years ago but kept you as a Facebook friend to avoid drama. So if you Unfriend me now, you'll be doing us both a favor.

First, I have mad respect for the honorable men and women who put their lives on the line every day to protect and police our country. I sincerely believe the police at ISU saved my life from a crazy stalker in college. (That is a story for another day.) I worked side by side local officers when I was a volunteer rape survivor advocate. I have family and friends who are on the force. I would never be able to do their job. I know some of you will think I'm lumping all cops together. If you think that then you are missing my point. I do NOT believe ALL cops should be praised. There are bad cops out there but there are great ones, too. Let us celebrate the great ones and fire the bad ones. I do not believe ALL cops are bad or racist. Just like I know all people of color are not criminals. I'm truly heartbroken for the police force in Dallas.

That being said it is NOT the fault of the Black Lives Matter movement or even the protesters. The crime was committed by deranged people who used a peaceful protest to take out police officers. Those of you blaming the protesters are the same ones who get irate when people blame all cops for the actions of a few racist, unstable people who happen to cops.

I saw someone post this: "I know a lot African American people who are not afraid for their life. Because they don't have any reason for it. They are not out there creating riots and protest or breaking the law. I don't know ANY Police Officer who isn't afraid, on some level, to go too work everyday." (I copied and pasted it, so I'm not responsible for grammar or spelling issues.) First of all, no protester should ever be afraid for their life. Second of all, you can't speak for a whole group of people whether it is a race or the police population. Third of all, you brought up my next point. You are saying that if you aren't breaking the law, you shouldn't fear for your life. (I know double negative.)

People of color are being killed for not breaking the law. There are countless stories of people of color not breaking the law, doing exactly what the officer says and still being killed. (If you want to argue this, I'll give you examples. Just ask for examples. I'll start with Philando Castile.) After mass shootings, people say the country will be safer if more citizens carried guns. Philando was legally carrying a gun, told the cop he had a gun and the permit for the gun, he was reaching for his id and was shot. Where are all the pro gun people defending his right to carry?

I'm seeing a lot of stupid comments about what the deceased should or should not have been doing. They shouldn't have been carrying a gun (even though they had the permit and informed the cop of gun/permit). They should have listen to the cop. But if they listen to the cop, you say they should have stood up for their rights. There always seems to be some reasoning why the victim was at fault. You are probably the same people who say a woman is at fault for her rape because she drank too much.

I think a major issue in our country is white privilege. I know white privilege exists. I know that many people in my life won't admit it exists. Here is an example of white privilege: A black child playing with a toy at a park. 911 caller says there is a youth with a gun in the park, but I think it might be a toy gun. Officers arrives at the scene while telling the kid to drop the weapon shoots and kills him. The kid was not given the time to drop the weapon. #riptamir  Same town two white boys playing with BB guns in park. Cops are called. Their punishment is to write an essay on the black child who died for doing what they were doing.

If you don't believe in white privilege, please, please, please read these articles.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/michaelblackmon/17-harrowing-examples-of-white-privilege-9hu9?utm_term=.eudOwgLMQ#.plRXzEW5Q

http://www.bustle.com/articles/67904-how-to-explain-white-privilege-exists-7-common-arguments-debunked


I truly fear for the life of my daughter. I worry that she will cross paths with a trigger happy, racist who shouldn't be in an uniform. I tell her to follow the police orders step by step. I tell her not to get smart with the cop, no matter how the cop is talking to her. These are not the things I would have to tell a white child of mine. I hate that I have to have these conversations. But even if she follows their directions and is doing nothing wrong, she can still be shot. And stop saying to me thank God you have a biracial daughter and not a son. That is demeaning to black boys/men. Plus being female will not save her. Here's a link to black females who died at the hands of law enforcement.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/13/black-womens-lives-matter-police-shootings_n_6644276.html


The point of my post is just to state what has been on my mind lately. I do not know the solution. I know violence answered with violence is not the answer. I know that sticking our heads in the sand to ignore the problem is not the solution. I know love will overcome hate. I know that we need to accept each other as equals and work towards true equality. I'm just afraid that true equality will not happen in my lifetime or my daughter's lifetime. I pray daily for her safety. I pray daily for those in my life who are open racists or closeted racists to see the error of their ways. To see that we are all God's children. I pray daily for our country.

Summer Homework

I'm a big supporter of summer homework. I know that some parents are for it and some are against it. I see both arguments. The against argument: let kids be kids. Let the kids have fun and goof around. If you give them homework then YOU have to grade it or at the very least look it over. So really, you're just creating more work for yourself. What's the point of summer homework? 

First, I give my daughter lots of free time. I do not give her homework every day. The days she has homework, the homework doesn't take hours to do. She has plenty of time to just be a kid and relax and/or play. 

Yes, I 'grade' it. I don't actually give her a grade. We just look over it together and correct mistakes. The whole point of summer homework is to prevent her from forgetting everything over the summer. I know that without practice she will not forget EVERYTHING over the summer. But from experience, I know the skills she just learned will be forgotten without practice. 

Every summer we do homework. She participates in the summer reading program through the library. I never have to encourage her to read. She loves to read. Participating in the summer reading, program is just an added incentive for her. 

For math review, I have a few apps on my iPad. One of my favorite is Math Loops. It is practice for mental math (adding, subtracting, multiplication, and division). It is easy but drills the math facts for her. We also love IXL. She uses her login from school. 

For grammar, spelling, and writing, I have workbooks for our homeschool days. We focus on skills that are harder for her. Writing is her least favorite part of school. I encourage developing this area through journal writing. Sometimes I give her a topic sentence. Other times I have her do free writing. Some days I make her edit her writing to check for spelling and grammar mistakes. Other days I just let her write. 

I know it is not her favorite part of summer. I know she'd rather do just about anything. I also know that one day she will look back and realize I did this for her own good. 

Rare Disease Awareness Day

Yesterday was Rare Disease Awareness Day.  It is day to raise awareness amongst the general public and decision-makers about rare diseases and their impact on patients' lives. To start with, I was unaware of the day and unaware that I have a rare disease. I mean, I know I have ITP. I just did not know ITP fell into the category of a rare disease. I had been planning to write about ITP. After hearing about Rare Disease Awareness Day, I decided now would be the best time.  ITP is considered a rare disease because there is fewer than 200,000 US cases per year. 

The official name is Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura. See why I always just use ITP instead? I always explain ITP as a blood disorder where my dumb blood cells think my platelets are a disease. Then my dumb blood cells attack my platelets. This not only causes lowered platelet counts, but also, causes my blood cells to be too busy fighting my platelets, so they cannot fight off real illnesses. So my immune systems sucks.

I was diagnosed with ITP in college. I had a bad reaction to preventive migraine medication. I ended up in ICU. A side effect of that medication was lowering your platelet count. (At the time of being prescribed that medication, I did not know that I had ITP.) By the time, I ended up in the hospital my platelet count was 5,000. A healthy platelet count ranges from 150,000-400,000. You can understand why the doctors were alarmed. It was a super scary time. The doctors first thought I had a form of cancer. I had a bone marrow biopsy, which was painful. Then I had to wait for the results which ruled out cancer and a few other things. I was officially diagnosed with ITP on July 15, 2000.  

I had to go 3 days a week to get my blood drawn and platelets counted. My veins are still not over that. We tried many treatments but I was a rare case. Nothing worked, except stress. Around finals, my platelet count would soar. The doctors decided removing my spleen would be the best option. Your spleen is wonderful and important, but you can live without it. One function of the spleen is storing the platelets. If you remove the spleen, the platelets would have to remain in your blood stream and not chillin in your spleen.  On March 7, 2001, I had splenectomy, which works for about 1/2 of all those who have ITP. This worked for me. 

My platelet count has remained high for the last almost 15 years. ITP in adults is chronic. I will never be considered healed or cured. I'm considered in remission. I get my platelets checked yearly and before any surgery or procedure. The reason I get checked is there have been cases of ITP coming out of remission, even after long periods of remission. My immune system will never recover. Remember I wrote that spleens are wonderful. Spleens are part of your immune system. Spleens act as a filter for blood for your immune system. Also the spleen fights off certain kinds of bacteria that cause pneumonia and meningitis.  

Between ITP and no spleen, my immune system is awful. I catch every cold, flu, etc.  and it takes me longer to fight it off. For example my daughter had a nasty stomach flu. My husband dealt with most of the vomit. When I had to help clean up, I washed my hands thoroughly. I still came down with the same bug. It took her three days to feel better. Because of my weak immune system, it took me over a week to feel better. Colds can easily turn into pneumonia or bronchitis. My doctor is constantly reminding me that flus can turn deadly for me. That is not me over exaggerating. I ended up in prompt care this fall wth the flu. Usually you don't get treated for the flu. The doctors treat my flu in fears of it turning into a death sentence. I have to receive vaccines yearly. My family does, too. Because anything they bring home (common cold to strep throat) can have damaging repercussions for me. 

People often give me a hard time for "always being sick" and tell me I should get checked out for something serious since I'm always sick. Thanks for your concern. I have been checked out. My doctors are wonderful and help me as much as possible, but this is my reality living with this disease. I truly feel blessed and lucky because there are people fighting much harder health battles. 

Feel free to message me with questions. 

PS We have not found a connection between my migraines and ITP. But I keep looking for it. My migraines have gotten much better.  They are still an issue from time to time but much mor manageable. Once again message me if you want more information. 

To my dear friend

My lovely friend is going through a tough time. I truly believe the Devil is trying to tear her down. We have all been there. We will feel like nothing is going right and we are being hit from every angle. I am praying for you. I tell you this repeatedly. I can't do anything but pray. Here are my favorite Bible Verses and quotes that help me through a rough time. I hope it helps.

Romans 8:31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Proverbs 11:27 Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one who finds the gold.

F. Scott Fitzgerald For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over.

Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

Romans 5:3-5 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

C.S. Lewis Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.

Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.

Pema Chodron Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.

You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. You don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.

And lastly, my favorite:
1 Peter 5:8-10
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

What I've learned in my 35 years

When I graduated college, I wrote an email to loved ones called what I learned at ISU (outside of the classroom). As I get ready to turn 35 years old, I decided I would write a new one.  (Obviously this will not contain EVERYTHING I have learned. I'm just including my biggest life lessons.)

There is always at least 3 sides to every story (my side, your side, and the truth). 

       The truth lays in between the two people's perceptives. This isn't saying either person is intentionally lying. Instead as humans, we all remember things slightly different. Example two siblings get caught hitting each other. One child says I did nothing wrong. I only hit her back because she hit me first. Other child says I only hit her because she would not give me my toy back. As you dig into the story, you learn more of the truth. I used the simplest story to explain this concept. If you like to explore this concept, think of your favorite memory. Then ask a person who shared that event for their memories of it. I find it fascinating to see what our minds hold on to.

No matter how much you change and grow as a person, some people from your past will never be able to see the new you.

        I'm not the same person I was at 15 or 20 or even 30.  I've grown and changed into a person that I'm proud to be. Yet there are people who knew me at my worse and refuse to see me at my best. That is their problem not mine. That ties into my next thing:

You can't make everyone like you. 

       I was born a people pleaser. I just want to make everyone around me happy. I want everyone to like me even if I don't like them. People keep telling me as I get older I will care less about this. I'm hoping this is true. I know in my head that I can't make everyone like me but in my heart I'm still a people pleaser. 

It is ok to outgrow relationships. 

         I'm not saying you will outgrow every relationship. What I am saying is that not every relationship will last a lifetime. Just because you were best friends in junoir high school doesn't mean you will stay best friends for life. People change. Their interests and focus change. I use to feel so guilty and awful about not wanting to stay close to certain friends. The hardest time was becoming a parent. I was younger (a few months shy of 24).  A lot of my friends were still in the "growing up" phase of their life. I was more in the "I'm grown up and parenting" phase. Some of the friendships have rekindled and now are stronger than ever. There is a saying that I love and works perfect here: "In life you will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you.  But most important are the ones that bring out the best in you. Those are the ones worth keeping around."  I can look at anyone in my past or present and place them in those categories. The users I cut out of my life as soon as I realize who they are. Testers aren't always a bad thing. I believe my daughter and hubby test and teach me everyday. They also fall into the final category of making me into the best version of myself. 

You can't force people to change into who you want them to be. 

        There are some great people in my life who have awful ideas about race, money, religion. God says love them anyway. So I pray for you.  The ones that I cut out of my life are the racists. I will pray hard for you. You might still be my friend on Facebook but I unfollow you. That way I don't have to start a fight on why I un friended you. But at the same time, I don't have to see your misguided viewpoint on race. If you read this and think I'm talking about you, then I'm probably talking about you. 

Marriage is hardwork. 

     I could write a whole blog on this. I grew up on fairy tales and romantic comedies. They made it seem like you fell in love and everything was magical. (Oh and Forrest creatures would clean your house.) By the time I found my true love, my soulmate, I learned fairy tales were not real. I even included in my vows that I couldn't promise all rainbows and butterflies. Any relationship in life will have ups and downs. I believe marriage is forever. I do not believe in divorce. That might upset some reading this. I believe you can't go into marriage with any attitude other than this is forever. Or you will set yourself up for failure. There will be days where you don't like each other but you stay because you love each other. Here is my favorite quote on love and marriage: 

"I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that's true of beginnings, but it's not true of this, now. I fell in love with him. But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me." V. Roth 

Parenting is hardwork. 

     I could, also, write a whole blog on this. You take two people from completely different backgrounds (most of the time) and have them decide how to raise a child together. Then when you add in step parents, you've got 4 different ideas, and 4 very different people thinking they know what is best. To say parenting is a challenge is an understatement.  In the end, you do the best you can to raise a smart, independent, confident, caring person. You'll make mistakes. You must admit the mistake and learn from it. Just know that others are judging but they only see part of the picture. Don't let their judgements make you compromise your parenting. 

Christianity is misjudged over and over. 

         I'm a Christian. It means that I know Jesus is God's son and He died for my sins. And that I've asked him to forgive me of my sins and lead my life. Being a Christian does not mean, I'm perfect. I'm a work in progress. Everyday I try harder. Being a Christian does not mean that I judge others. We are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. Being a Christian is suppose to mean that God is your leader. It means that you are to show God's love to others, even your enemies. This I still struggle with. I pray daily for my enemies. One day I pray, God gives me the strength to show His love to them. 

Mental Health is just as important as physical health but the stigma prevents people from seeking treatment. 

         I have seen some great MeMes lately of this. No one tells someone with a broken leg to just get over it or to just "think positive and it will heal." Yet people do this to people struggling with depression or anxiety or some other form of mental illness. If the person could just think positive and be better, they would. No one wants to live that way. Mental health and physical health are connected. Both need to be treated properly.  I have loved ones who greatly struggle with this. I know how hard they are fighting. I wish the world could see it too. 

Lastly, I still fully believe that everything happens for a reason. 

        I believe that we aren't always going to know the reason. Sometimes we discover the reason years later. Sometimes we never do. But I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I love that saying: "Evertyhing happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make poor choices." I know that sounds harsh but it is true. I've made poor choices that have ended badly. You just learn from it and move on. 

8 years

8 years
96 months
2922 days
70126.5 hours
4207590.1 minutes
252455408 seconds
That's how long I've been married to my best friend.  We did both traditional and personal vows. I want to share our personal vows that we wrote. I love them because they are from the heart. You can hear our personalities shining through, especially our humor and honesty. (Before you comment: Yes that was humor where I said he'd become a Cowboys fan. I'd never want him to switch teams just because of me. I love that we can support and cheer for opposite teams.)

Mike: georgette, it's amazing how fast something like love can overtake a person. Almost a year ago  we were nothing more than people who knew each other through a mutual friend. And now, here we stand together to be married. And over the course of that year, my love for you has grown into something that I have never ever felt before. It has consumed me, much like you consume my thoughts every single day. And that love continues to grow even today. every day I can look at you and feel even stronger that you are the one for me, you are the one that God meant for me to be with and to take care of. I love you more today than I did yesterday and I will love you more tomorrow than I today.  

You and gabrielle are every thing to me. I will do everything in my power to provide for, care for, and protect both of you. there is nothing that I won't do do to make sure both of you live the lives that you both deserve. I love you more than any thing.

I love you for you beautiful red hair. I love you for your sparkling blue eyes. I love you for your warm, inviting smile. I love for you the large heart you have for others. I love you for ythe amazing friend that you are to me and others. I love you because you are an amazing mother. I love you because you like to cuddle. I love you because you make me feel good about myself. I love you because you keep me grounded. I love you because you make every one around you happy. And I love you because you are you.

So it is because of these reasons that I am marrying you today.

georgette: I can't promise you everything will be perfect and full of rainbows and butterflies. I can't promise you that our beloved Cubbies will ever win the World Series. I can't even promise that we will never fight or I will never push again. And I know I can't promise that gabrielle will always listen or ever be potty trained. But what I CAN promise you is that I will never stop loving you. I can promise to never give up or leave. I can promise to to always support your dreams and goals. I can promise to always help motivate you in a positive direction. I can promise that no matter what life throws at us, the three of us will get through it together because of our love for each other and our faith in God.

I love so much about you. I love that you never are able to beat me in thumb war. I love that you some day soon will forget about the Bears and become a fan of America's team, the Cowboys. I love that you will not let me push you away. I love that you always look at me with such love and admiration. I love that you pray with me nightly. I love that you can do the impossible and make me believe in myself. I love that you support all my hopes and dreams. I love that you love and treat gabrielle as if she were your own child. I want you to know that I love you simply because you are you. Because of these reasons I am marrying you today.

Wow 8 years! What a crazy ride it has been! We have shared our ups and downs, laughter and tears, health and sickness. You are my ride or die, the pb to my jelly, the cheese to my Mac, my person, my everything. I love you Mike. Here's to a lifetime of whatever God throws at us, because there is no one I'd rather go through with! 

6 year blog anniversary

I started this blog the day my baby girl started kindergarten. I've had to make lots of my writing private but I still wanted to celebrate this blog. I still find it therapeutic to write. Sometimes only for myself and the love of my life to read. It is just nice to get the words and emotions out.

My first entry was about my daughter's first day of kindergarten. It was super emotion. I was a roller coaster of emotions just like many moms when their children start school. Here is a picture from that day.

Look at how tiny she is. 

When we were recently on vacation my hubby took this photo. 

I apologize for the quality but we were skipping down the sidewalk. My hubby likes to catch candid pictures. You can see how much she has grown since I started this blog. What you can't see is the amazing person she is becoming. 

Today she started a new chapter in her life, junior high. I couldn't be more happy with the young lady she is becoming. She is kind, helpful, sassy, funny, smart, giving, just incredible. I love her so much. As sad as I am that she is growing up so quickly, I'm equally excited and proud to see what God has in store for her. 

Stubborn, grudge holding, process to forgive is slow

I come from a long line of strong, opinionated, stubborn people who are eager to prove others wrong. My people hold on to grudges and are slow to let go. We love to argue and prove the other person wrong. Here is an example that I have heard my whole life. My great grandparents came from Greece when my grandpa was super young. They were excited to start over in America. From what I've been told, America did not recognize their training/schooling, so they could not get jobs in their chosen fields. So being the proud, stubborn people that they were, they became angry and refused to learn English. They Forbide English to be spoken in their homes for the rest of their lives.

I have a brother who hates peppers. He is growing ghost peppers, not to eat, but to prove he can. Ghost Peppers are suppose to be super hard to grow. He wanted to prove that they are easy to grow. So he is growing them even though he will never eat them. 

These are just two examples of my family's stubbornness. Stubbornness is not necessarily a bad thing. Being stubborn helps us to never give up despite the odds being negative. When stubbornness becomes a problem is when we refuse to let go and forgive others. I really struggle with forgiveness. 

How do you truly forgive someone when they don't apologize or even admit their wrongs or honestly believe they have not done you wrong? How do you forgive someone who keeps doing the action that you are trying to forgive them for? I want an apology before I forgive. But there are just some people in my life who will never apologize. I want a person to change their behavior before I forgive them. How can I forgive you for spreading lies about me when you continue to do so? It is extremely difficult to forgive in these cases. 

I keep being smacked in the face with these verses: Matthew 18:21-23 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times?" 

 This is the quote I have been trying to apply to my life. I truly believe when we hold on to that hurt and anger, refusing to forgive and let go, it causes us so much pain. I have done tons of reflection lately. I've realized part of my inability to forgive is my need for the sincere apology.  I just need to hear they were wrong, they are sorry, and they will not repeat the action. That is in a perfect world. 

What I'm realizing is I need to discover peace and forgiveness without those things. I am a work in process but I'm getting there. So I just keep repeating forgive, let go, move on. 

Maybe I want to be a camp director!

Summer break is in full swing. This time of year I see the usual blog being shared over and over. It is called something like I'm not a camp director or a cruise director, something close to that. Of course, right this second I cannot locate it. It goes on to talk about how the writer is not planning summer fun activities for every second of the day. The writer is against that. That is the writer's choice, but I'm tired of parents shaming each other for varying opinions. Maybe I want to be a camp director all summer, and that's fine, too.  I will not shame you for just chilling all summer. So please don't shame me for my over planning.

I take a portion of my parenting philosophy from the great 90s movie Hook. The mom is explaining to grown up Peter that kids grow up so fast and soon they will be begging their kids for their time instead of the kids begging for the parents' attention. I swear just yesterday gabrielle was a baby and now she will be entering middle school in the fall. They grow up in a snap. "For parenting, the days are long, but the years are short." So for me, I love to plan fun, memorable days. When I worked full time, I had Monday's off. We called them Monday fun days.  Every Monday, we would do something whether it was going to the park, swimming, hiking, or for bad weather days we had movie marathons. When I stopped working, I started really planning summer fun.

We utilize local free events, like the summer ending program at the library and play dates. We go to the $1 movie program at the local movie theaters. Our Parks and Rec department has tons of fun programs like outdoor plays, outdoor movies, park passports, splash playgrounds. We have memberships to the local zoo and Children's Discovery Museum.  We get season passes to the local pools. We have at home art days and movie days. Every summer we watch all of the Harry Potter movies and all the Star Wars movies.

We visit relatives. We plan day trips.  My daughter always attends church camp and one more local camp, depending on her interests. She plays softball, so we practice in the yard. Plus I always make her do school work. I buy a workbook each summer for her to complete. The focus is keeping her retention of what she already knows. This is not her favorite part of the summer but she starts the school year off on the right foot.

I love being a "camp director" and I'm not ashamed of it. Be the parent you want to be, and never let others shame you for your choices.

Last words

Today would have been Holly's 34th birthday. This day and her death anniversary are always days of deep thinking for me. Holly was a high school friend who died in a car accident my senior/ her junior year of high school. She was taken far too soon. May 7th will be 17 years since she died at age 17. So we are getting ready to pass time where she will have been gone longer than she was alive. That seems so wrong. It is unfair. I often think about all the stuff she didn't get to do. This year I tried to focus on what she did get to do with her short life. She managed to touch people in profound ways. I'm going to talk about how she changed my life forever.

She made me be more careful of my words, because I'll never forget my last words to her. It happened just outside Mrs. Coffman's English class. She was talking with a group of mutual friends. She was giggling when I walked up. I asked what was so funny. I don't remember the next few little comments we said back and forth, but I remember us being sarcastic. Then I said, "Fine. You won't tell me. Then I'm never speaking to you again." Yes, they were said joking around. Yes, I know that there was no way of me knowing those would be my last words. Seventeen years later, I still feel horrible about it. I have lost many friends and family since. In the case of my grandpa and mother-in-law, I knew they were dying. I made my last words to them full of love and leaving no words unsaid.

Losing Holly made me think any moment God could call me home. I fixated on what her last words spoken were. I was so afraid my last words to others would leave unsaid stuff. So I wrote a note to my loved ones, in case of my death. I still have it. I revise it yearly. It is my final goodbye. I write it so that way I know my final words will be positive, meaningful words. It gives my loved ones closure, peace, and reassurance (or at least I hope so.)

Holly had a voice of an angel. She sung so beautifully. I love to sing. I only was able to fit chorus in one year in high school. I'm not a talented singer but I enjoyed it so very much. I was always afraid embarrassing myself, so I didn't sing often. After her death and to this day, I sing all the time. Ask my family. I'm constantly making up songs. Her death taught me that life is too short to not do the things you enjoy.

Her death taught me that I will never know God's reasons. After her car accident, she lived in ICU until the next morning. I went to school praying that she would be fine. I was convinced she would be fine. In my English class, some mean girls were talking about the accident and her death. (She was dead by that time but all of us at school didn't know it.) I lost it and said she was going to be fine and would come back to school. She would sing and graduate valedictorian. Later when the news reached us that she was gone, I was lost. I coukdnt believe it. I looked to my wise English teacher and asked for words of comfort. He told me the only word he could think of was "why" (not very comforting).  Actually it ticked me off at the time. 

A few days later he came to me and told me this story: (disclaimer I can't remember it word for word) There was a famous, successful artist. He was older and a bachelor. He never thought he would find "the one". He finally found his true love. They were madly in love. Then she became ill and died. He was devastated. Time passed and in an interviewed he explain how he coped with it. He believed that we all started out as a giant block of stone. Then God chips away parts of our block. It hurts to lose those pieces. We don't understand why those pieces must be taken. We think we will die without those pieces, but we don't die. We change. We become more and more of the beautiful sculpture that we are meant to be. It was like that teacher spoke straight to my soul. That story has helped me through so many tough times. 

In closing, she taught me about friendship, love, and loss. She will never be forgotten. 

Unanswered prayers

I drove down a street today that I hadn't been down in years. I drove by our first apartment that Mike and I shared. It is where we lived when we first got married. Then I drove down another street and saw our dream house. 

When we realized our apartment was much too small for a growing toddler and 2 adult AND all our stuff, we started the hard chore of house shopping. I cannot even guess how many houses we looked at. We found our dream house with our dream yard in our price range two blocks from our apartment. It was love at first site. The wife wanted to sell but the husband did not. We learned quickly that the house really wasn't for sale. The husband would not fix anything or lower the price or compromise on anything. Our realtor told us to forget about the house. 

We were bummed that God did not answer our prayers about that house the way we wanted Him to. Driving by that house I thanked God for "unanswered prayers." We call them unanswered prayers but really God answered it by saying, "No. I have something better for you." 

If we had moved into that house, our daughter never would have attended the school that she did. We would not have made the friends that we did. We would not have encountered the people that we were meant to.  Looking back, I'm so glad God said no. 

This summer and fall God said no or wait to lots of my prayers. So many times I angrily questioned His wisdom. (I know how ridiculous that sounds.) I was so sure I knew best. I experienced a lot of heartbreak and frustration. I still can't say I'm thanking God just yet for saying no and/or wait. But seeing that house today gave me hope that in years to come, I'll be able to thank God for His wisdom. 

Secret Agent Birthday Party

Where has the last 5 weeks gone?  I meant to post this right away but life became busy with back to school activities and my wedding anniversary.  This year my baby girl turned 10.  For her birthday, she wanted a Secret Agent Party.  I searched Pinterest and Etsy for ideas. I found the best packet of printables from
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SIMONEmadeit  (I know the link isn't working within my text but I promise that is the correct link, so copy and paste it.  Sorry about that.)

We sent out fun invitations that said for Secret Agent Eyes Only.  We gave each child a new agent name.  Each name was a color and animal.  My daughter was purple monkey.  For the party we referred to all children as their secret agent names.  To get into the party they had to decode the password (It was awesome sauce.) and do a secret handshake. We decorated with finger prints and mustaches. 

First thing they had to do finger prints (this went into their goodie bags to take home.)  The whole party was set up to complete missions to earn a Goodie Bag.  First Mission was a laser maze.  We had the girls hang out in my daughter's room.  To get access to the bag yard they had to go through the laser maze.

Next mission was a tire maze.  Once the girls went through the tires they had to pick a lollipop.  Only one lollipop had the clue to the next mission.  (Later they goofed around with the tires.)

Other missions included finding letters in rice and creating words with those letters, target practice (shooting golf balls off a railing with a nerf gun), and popping balloons and using secret pens to decode a message.  (We were having way too much fun to remember to get photos of each mission.)

In the end everyone received a goodie bag filled a pen that wrote in invisible ink, a notebook (inside my daughter wrote a thank-you note with the special pen),a necklace with a picture of the code name (purple monkey, golden hyena, blue horse), candy, and magnifying glass. 

We also served truth serum (water), pizza, and bombs (cupcakes).

This was by far my favorite birthday party that I did for my daughter. 

First day/week reflection

I started this journal five years ago today! I started this journal as kind of a therapy tool. Blogs hadn't really taken off yet. I just loved to write and wanted a place to do so. Some of my posts are private but most are public. It is a great place for my medical updates, parenting tips, views on current events, etc. 

I posted my first entry on the very difficult day of Gabrielle's first day. I can't believe that was five years ago today! Gabrielle started fifth grade this week. To be honest it was hard walking her to school the first day of fifth grade. I can't believe how much she has grown. I am proud of the person she is growing into. I am proud of her everyday. 

Scavenger Hunt to Summer Fun

I made a scavenger Easter egg hunt for my daughter. She had so much fun and begged for another one. We watch Double Dare on YouTube and are big Amazing Race Fans. So I decided to make her next scavenger hunt have challenges like on those games shows.

The last day of school I picked her up and handed her a note. The note described her mission, which was to find summer. (For this activity summer was a basket from the dollar store filled with summer goodies. More on that later).
In the letter it had a secret deciphering code and a clue to her next clue. At each clue was an activity and a clue to the location of the next clue. We had activities both inside and outside. You could even send them to a neighbor who was willing to be a part of it.
Here are some examples of stations/clues:
This is here reading her about the mission.  (For a top secret mission I just google searched image top secret.  I choose that logo to go on clues and notes.)

 The above picture is her clue that was written backwards.  (That is her concentrating face.)
Below is her eating a frozen whip cream pie.  Under the whip cream was a cool in a sandwich baggie.  The messier the clues the more fun she had. 

 Below is the popped balloons.  All the balloons had a piece of paper in them.  That way she couldn't just shake them to feel if there was a clue inside.  She had to pop to discover a lot of "not it" clues. 

 Below is a sample of clue that she had to decode.  The clues were vague like "back yard" or "mommy's favorite reading spot." 

Below is the messiest, yuckiest clue. I filled a small cooler up with cooked pasta.  I buried letters (from a board game).  She had to find all the letters and then figure out what the letters spelled.  I gave her a spoon but she wanted to get as messy as possible.  The funny part was the letters spelled "clean up".  The next clue was in the bathtub.

Below is a clue at her play house.  The window was covered with paper.  She had to use her homemade sling shot/marshmallow shooter to break the paper down.  I found an easy to make one on pinterest.  

Happy ending to the search.  I bought a laundry basket from the dollar store.  I filled it with items for this summer.  The big items were a tennis racquet and a cheap microscope ($10 at Walmart).  She was taking tennis lessons this summer and needed the racquet.  Most of the items were from the dollar store, like sparklers, sand toys, pool toys, etc.  I am thinking about doing on to mark the start of school.  We have spent the summer doing little obstacle courses and scavenger hunts.  She loves them. 

(PS sorry for the delay in posting this.  The summer just flew by.)

Why I finally caved and made a choir chart

My daughter has had chores for as long as I can remember. When she was a toddler she didn't have assigned chores except to put her toys away.  Instead she helped her parents clean. It might have been something small like putting clean clothes away or helping put groceries away.   As she grew older other chores were assigned such as taking care of the pets. And she would assist me with household chores.

One problem was my daughter wouldn't remember what her choirs where. My hubby and I could tell her over and over. Then randomly she would ask, "do I have chores? What are they?" I added to this problem by just doing them myself while she was at school.

Another problem was I'm a bit OCD with cleaning. I want things done my way (aka the right way lol). She would dust around objects not under them. She would leave streaks on glass. She would load the dishwasher without rinsing dishes first. I had to learn to let go.

That is why I made the chore chart. I found the free printable online. (Search chore chart. I'd love to give a blogger credit but I can't remember where I found it. I'll try to update that later.).  I painted a frame so we can use the chart as a dry erase type.

Now she has her chores in her room. She marks them off when she is finished. We don't pay for chores. We do pay allowance. Part of getting paid allowance is doing your chores without parent nagging.  (To get her allowance she has to keep certain grades, no getting into trouble, etc.)

This is our first week but so far it is going smoothly. My daughter takes after her mom by being a chart/list person. She loves being able to look at a to-do list and mark stuff off. I'm hoping this will keep her on track.

volunteering at your child's school, Why do it?

Let me start by saying I am a stay-at-home mom of one.  I have more open/free time than a lot of other parents.  I know this.  But I often get asked why are you helping out at school so much? Wouldn't you rather be home watching TV or napping or anything?

First of all, when I am at home rarely do I ever nap.  (And when I do it is because I haven't been sleeping well or I am sick.)  I have "jobs" to do at home.  I have furry kids to take care during the day. I don't want to be home "napping" when I can be helping my daughter's school succeed. 

Second of all, I volunteer because I enjoy it.  I would love to say that I am being selfless and volunteering even though I do not like it and get nothing out of it.  I receive plenty of hugs and thank yous.  This is not a sacrifice for me. It should not be for you either.  I get tired of hearing people complain the entire time they are volunteering (anywhere not just as school).  If it is so horrible, then don't do it.

Thirdly, it might not seem like I am doing anything beyond copying and laminating, but what I do is give teachers more time to teach.  If I can help with the little things like making copies or putting together materials for a class project, that frees up some time for the classroom teacher to teach.  They spend a ridiculous amount of time doing things besides teaching. I am not just talking about lesson planning and grading.  They have to go to trainings, have team meetings, plan for special events (like farmers bringing eggs in for the kids to watch hatch), organizing the classroom, counseling the kids with hurt feelings, correcting behavior, answering parent questions, etc..  The list goes on and on.  If I can take some of that off their plate, that gives them just a little bit more time explaining a math problem for the third time in a different way so every kid understands it or teaching a kid to not just read but enjoy reading.  

Lastly I think every parent should volunteer in their kid's school.  Let me explain  before you freak out and say I work full-time or easy for you to say you only have one kid.  Volunteering at your kid's school does NOT have to be a HUGE time commitment.  There are things that need to be done once a month or events that happen once a year, that do not take much time.  And if your next reason is you can never get time off work, there are ways to help after hours or from home.  Also schools have events where they need items bought instead of a time commitment.  For example our PTO does teacher appreciation through out the year.  The PTO decided to do a lunch a few weeks back and provided the sandwiches.  The PTO asked parent volunteers to bring in side dishes or desserts.   If your reason is you don't like kids, then there are jobs for you that don't interact with the kids. (I just don't get people who don't just love being around kids, because it is my passion.)

WAYS TO HELP IN YOUR KID'S SCHOOL
(I know that some of this is localized to my daughter's school, but I bet your school has something to replace it with.  Just ask.) First schools require background checks before you volunteer.  (Or at least they do around here to keep the kids safe.) Start by contacting the school to find out what paperwork you need to complete to help out.

Less of a time commitment (either once a year or a few times a year, not monthly): There are tons of events that happen once or twice each year.  These events put a lot of strain on staff to complete the event.  Here is a list of such events: Kindergarten Registration, Picture Day, Hearing and Vision Screening Day, School wide Carnival or Open House or Class Picnic, Field Trip, Concert, Offer to read a book to your child's class (some teachers do mystery reader events), Ask to demonstrate or teach the kids about something unique you do (Examples would be play an instrument, geocache, farm, whatever.  Talk with the teacher she/he might have a great way to incorporate your talent into the lessons. Kids love this!)



More often:  Library (Even if you pop in to help shelf books the librarian will love you.  Just make sure you know how to shelf first.), Make copies, Laminate, Cut out laminated items, Hang students' projects in classroom or hallway, Reading Buddy, Math games with the kids, Literacy stations, Sort book orders, Entertain kids during inside recess days, Organize or help with a charity event (Toys for Tots, care packages to soldiers, can food for food pantries),  Offer to watch the kids while the teacher takes a much needed bathroom break, Deep clean the room after a virus went around, Organize classroom library, Clean out kids' cubbies or desks, Maintain classroom gardens



Things to donate:
At the start of the school year, teachers are overflowing with tissues and cleaning wipes.  By January (when colds and the flu is going around) they are out.  How do they get more?  They use their own money.  This goes for a lot of classroom items including school supplies for kids who cannot afford them.  If you cannot physically help out at school, considering donating something from the list below.  (Obviously this list is not complete.  Like ways to volunteer I could go on and on about items needed.  When in doubt ask your teacher if she/he needs something. If it is a bigger item team up with some other parents to pool money together.)
-Tissues, Cleaning Wipes, Hand Sanitizer,  Pencils, Crayons, Folders, Markers, Binders, Coffee (for teacher lounge), Snacks (classroom or teacher lounge), Dry Erase Markers, Books, Spare underwear (for little kids and accidents), Tape, Paper clips


I could go on for days about why you should volunteer and ways you can volunteer, but you would probably stop reading.  Trust me there are tons of ways to help.  Just ask.  

(Excuse my run on sentences.  I am having a really bad grammar day.)

interesting quote

I was messing around on pinterest and found an interesting quote.  "People are not against you; they are for themselves."  Immediately I thought of that quote (I can't remember it exactly but this is the gist) "Every hero is a villain in someone else's story.  Every villain is a hero in another story."  I take things personal.  I always have.  I remember being a small child and my mom saying "you wear your heart on your sleeve." I did not know what she meant so I kept looking at my sleeve but couldn't find a heart.  I have been told my whole life that I need to grow thicker skin.  I am just this way.  I am super sensitive and take things personal.  This is a blessing and a curse.  A big pro is that I have great empathy for others.  A HUGE con is that my feelings are often hurt by others who don't mean to.  I am not saying everyone in the world is innocent and have never tried to hurt me.  I am not naive.  I just know that sometimes that I take things the wrong way.  If there is a positive way to take a message or a negative way, I am at fault for almost always taking it the negative way.  As I have gotten older (and hopefully wiser)  I have taken time to reflect on the supposed bad comment and try to put a positive spin on it.  If I can honestly not find a positive spin then I know that I was right in the first place.  Lately I have been feeling under attack in certain areas of my life.  I need to realize that some people are not out to get me.  They are just putting themselves and their needs first (which is something I am bad at, Gabrielle and Mike always are before my needs).

Announcement

I'm moving my 365 picture challenge to my Instagram account. If you'd like to follow me I'm georgette915. I'm going to use this for blogs only and maybe occasional a picture to go with the blog. So I probably will not be posting on here daily. Thanks.

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Picture of the day is the wonderful plant we got as a thank you. We had a great time at the Secret Pal Reveal Breakfast.

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This passage has really hit home. I need to do less talking and more actions. I need my actions to speak for themselves. This just really convicted me tonight. This is 2 Corinthians 12:5-6.