angels in our lifes (day 21)

This is a cute angel ornament I got from my mother for Christmas.  We are finally taking down the Christmas decorations.  We kept them up for a belated Christmas celebration.  Now it is that not so fun time of the year where we have to put them all away.  Looking at each ornament/decoration makes me remember the different stories we have about them.  I will spare you that blog for today.  I love this angel with gabrielle's name because she is my angel.  I was in a really dark, sad, lost place when I found out I was pregnant with her.  She gave me hope and purpose.  Because of her I reconnected with God, she literally saved my life and soul. All of which is too deep to tell her at the age of 6, so I do something unique.  I have letters I write to her.  I wrote the first one a week before she was born and the last one was written today.  My hope is that when she is older, I will give her these letters.  They will be glimpses of our lives at those moments in time.  They will tell her the things I can't tell her because she is too young to understand it all.  For example, I wrote a letter explaining why I was leaving her dad and why it was for the best.  I wrote a letter about how sad yet proud I was on her first day of school.  Worst case scenario I am not around to give these to her, then she will get a gift of my words after my passing.   She truly is my angel.  I see her as a true gift from God. 

day 16 Friends Forever

I had an amazing weekend with two amazing women. My two female best friends came up to celebrate Christmas a little late.  I met one in seventh grade,  when I became the girlfriend to her boyfriend.  I honestly didn't know.  And we both dumped him and a year later became friends.  The other I met my sophomore year of high school in my Spanish class.  She had just moved to town.  I thought she was a snob.  I have never been so wrong about someone in my life.  These women (Amber and Liz) have been by my side through every imaginable high and incredible low that life has thrown at me.  And I pray they can say the same to me.  It is insane to think that I have been friends with them for over 15 years.  For 1/2 my life, they have been a major part of it.  I am insanely lucky to have them as friends.  They came into town and cheered me up.  Nothing like positive reinforcement from those who know you best to make you feel better.  I needed this weekend.  And I am so thankful for them.  

 I took this picture because what picture would better describe true friendship than this picture.  My beautiful baby and our lovable dog!  I pray that as Gabrielle grows up that she finds strong, positive female friends to grow up with.  Just like I have been lucky enough to. 

my family:)

This is our sand box.  Not what would come to one's mind when you think of a sand box.  This is the one thing I would I would grab if our house burnt down (right after the people and animals).  This is our family's love letter.  This was part of our wedding.  

"Now we will celebrate the creation of a family.  The three vials of sand here represent Michael, georgette, and Gabrielle.  As each pours in the sands, they show how the individual colors create a beautiful masterpiece of love and mutual respect.  Just as the sands are forever intermixed, so are the lives of the people being celebrated today.  As we join this couple in marriage, we are also reminded of the significant role that gabrielle plays in this marriage.  Today, a new unified life is share within this family.  May this marriage and family be harmonious and blessed from this day forward without end." 

Mike Baker said those words as we poured the sand in.  Mike was silver.  I was green.  Gabrielle was pink.  You can see all of us represented but you can't separate the colors completely apart.  Just like you can't separate us. 

When Mike and I became serious.  I told him that she already has a dad.  She doesn't need a step-dad.  All she needs is a positive role model in her life.  Mike said (and I quote because I memorized it), "I don't want to replace her dad.  I want to be the step-dad she deserves to have everyday."  I knew that moment I was going to marry him.  He has never tried to replace gabrielle's biological dad.  He has just tried to be her everyday step-dad.  That's how this family works.  We are inseparable in love.  I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Beauty

 We all get wrapped up in the word beauty.  What makes us beautiful?  We see those models and actresses.  We want those perfect bodies.  We often hate on our own bodies.  I truly believe both men and women do this but women do it far more often.  This morning I had a wonderful reminder of my own obsession with wanting to be seen as beautiful.  Gabrielle, "I like your freckles.  They make you interesting."  Me, "Thanks.  Sometimes I feel like I have too many."  Gabrielle"No.  God made you that way.  That's how many you are suppose to have. I love them."  

 This is a close up picture of my daughter's beautiful black, curly hair.  This is right after a bath and a combing.  She tells me often that she wants straight, red hair like mine.  I tell her that people pay big bucks to get curly hair like hers.  I tell her how I always wanted curly hair.  I tell her that people with straight hair want curly hair and people with curly hair want straight.  

What I don't tell her is that women are too commonly not happy with themselves.  That a lot of us, I dare say the majority, have body image issues.  I don't tell her that I want to lose weight so bad, but due to my back/shoulder/arm/hand pain can't work out yet.  That I tried last year and was on a great track and got knocked off that track with health issues.  I don't tell her that most people can find something wrong with themselves.

I do tell her that God made her with black curly hair because God wanted her to have it.  That she is beautiful just the way she is.  Today she threw those words back at me.  I needed that.  We all need that reminder.  We are all made in God's image.  And we are all beautiful. 

love dare

This has been the hardest yet most fulfilling workbook I have ever done.  We have started this three times and stopped.  We have had to pray and come back to it.  We are determined to finish it as a couple.  I am sure you all heard of that movie Fireproof.  This is the marriage workbook that was inspired by the book.  It is hard.  It hits every baggage that you may have brought into the relationship, which is a lot.  I came into my marriage as a bitter single mom.  I came in having been neglected and cheated on.  I came from a broken home where my dad left my mom for her best friend.  Plus my dad was abusive to my mom and my step-mom.  I came from a high school abusive relationship.  I came from lots of messed up stuff.  Each of those events left baggage and scars that effect my marriage.  This book rips the bandage off those wounds and helps you deal with them in a positive matter.  I hate this book, yet love it.  I recommend it to all married couples.  I think it is best for not newlyweds.  I know I have only been married for a little over 3 years, but I still think newlyweds aren't meant for this book.  This book also goes into every nook and cranny of your marriage and how to make it better.  Even if your marriage is perfect and you both came into it with no baggage, this book will make your marriage better.  I even want to revisit this book in years to come to be reminded of any of the lessons I might forget.  I hope I remember each one.  I thank God for the authors and for my husband for willing to take part in The Love Dare.  Eight more lessons and we are done.  Look for a finishing thought blog on it coming soon!

changes

Okay health update: Doctor is doing shoulder surgery on Wednesday to get rid of a bone spur. The following Wednesday another doctor is doing cortisone shots in my lower back to help with the pain. Headaches are the same. I go back in January.

Tomorrow I work my last day as a case manager supervisor for the elderly. I am not sure what my next step is besides recovering from all this health crap. I know that I am applying for part time jobs. I want to get a part time job. My dream is to go back to school to work with children. I love children. I light up around them. They light up around me. I was burnt out working in my last job. It wasn't the job. It was me. I just wasn't meant to do that job anymore. I believe God is leading me to something with children. I just have to pray and follow. That is my plan.

It is just so hard to walk away from a job that I was great at. I had been there for 5 1/2 years. I didn't feel challenged anymore, but I was excellent at it. I am not bragging. I just was really good at it. But my heart wasn't in it. I remember my mom and my dad telling me to work doing something you love and the money won't matter. I just didn't love my job anymore. It is time to move on. But it is so hard to say good-bye to my clients and co-workers after 5 1/2 years.

All Change is hard but I know this change is good.

Thankful

First of all I'm still stuck on my iPhone so excuse the typos.

I've been in a funk lately. I'm not sure why. I just can't shake it. So tonight we go to eat before gabrielle's choir rehearsal and mikes ref meeting. I'm all upset because I'm all by myself and nothing to do.

At dinner I was laughing because gabrielle's meal came with a toy from Desciple Me. (I can't even spell that word close enough for spell check to help. That's pathetic.) then I remembered how much Mike loved that movie. I told Gabrielle it is because the mean guy fell in love with being an adoptive dad to those girls. Well Gabrielle said like you got to be my step-dad. She got up and hugged Mike and said I love you. Then Mike said, "You see he thought he didn't like kids. And when I was younger I thought I didn't like kids. But I'm so happy I get to be your step-dad.". I started tearing up. He started tearing up. She started tearing up.

It was one of those moments that just melt your heart. I'm amazed at how lucky I am. And unfortunately how I often forget how lucky I am.